i just woke up in the woods behind my house in handcuffs and a dan marino jersey ive never seen before
Literally like 10 people walking in my building talking about how much they hate draco
just watched a girl laugh at her own fingers... it's not even noon...
Oh. They ARE dating. Kinda sad. Have such an urge to be a huge bitch and steal him but my morality is in the way. FUCK YOU MORALITY.
the worst part is we had a camera rolling
Did his mom notice it when she saw u guys?
Yes.
I have to watch that.
I need to start giving them away because owning 20 dildos is never going to get me a boyfriend.
He just yelled in the bar, "So I stuck it in two girls butts, why are you bringing that up now?"
I'll see your cousin, and raise you a sister.
Ah that wonderful moment when you realise the bookmark you were using in a book you lent your mum is actually a receipt from a strip club
I used the hope and guess method to figure out who I slept with last night.
I'm a bit offended I got no nudies back but it's whatever
They're in the mail. Snapchats too fast. I want the suspense.
I made out with a guy who was dressed as Borat
And like a minute in, I was like oh fuck what am I doing
Did you run away?
I DANCED AWAY.
Lord give me the strength to not check my tinder messages at my grandmother's wake.
Pretty sure the delivery guy saw me taking a shit this morning
I got a lap dance in honor of your birthday last night.
Thank you.
theres a video...
oh god.
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