Dude, I just saw a bird vs. squirrel fight. A car won.
I’m once again drinking at eight am on a Sunday in my tutu. This garment is literally my best purchase ever.
She threw up a whole curly fry. A. WHOLE. CURLY. FRY.
The first thing they saw when they walked in was all four of our std test's hangin on the fridge....i'd be worried if they didn't think we were sluts
I think I suffocated him while I was riding his face
In mid-threesome, need more condoms. Wearing a sheet to the gas station. I'll keep you posted
it is a toga and you are a goddess.
How many trips to the liquor store in a week constitutes alcoholism?
Now the circle is complete. Just interviewed a guy who was a higher up member of the team I worked for in my job before this place
I'm sorry, the person you're trying to reach is WAYYY too high to deal with this right now.
We literally solved our fight using cat pictures on Instagram. True love.
I lost my bra, he lost his virginity. Seems like a fair trade off.
Just got a Lifeproof case for Christmas so hold on and tell me how my shower nudes look
He's tiny, but ripped. Like a stacked hobbit. He's going to pull our sexy, crime-fighting rickshaw.
He let me eat chexmix while we fucked... I think I love him.
Remember that Czech tennis player I brought home from beer pong and banged on your couch last year? He just booty calle me. From the Czech Republic.
Randomize
