so my aunt is sitting on the couch, eating a brownie and watching the biggest loser saying how it's not that hard to eat healthy
man i love america
Ever since they found the bud they've been sending me visa gift cards instead of cash. Bastards.
Alright, so what's my next move? I already posted a Milli Vanilli video on her wall
Dude, Taco Bell gave me a free fiesta potatoes when I won a bet on wether I could fit the entire rim of a cup in my mouth.
I am literally sitting on the toilet in utter disbelieve that last night even happened. My god that was only Monday.
See this is why people shouldn't jump into marriage. See what type of drunk you're engaged to first.
Remember when I peed in the trash can in the ATM room last night?
Never thought I'd say this, but thank god for my blackouts.
I'm definitely going to class still drunk right now and the freshman dressed as Hugh Heffner last night is texting me. I can't handle this.
Of course I have to cross through a walk for hunger
He pulled out a coupon for $2.50 off the crab cakes and expected us to share that as a meal. Is that the kind of person you really see me dating?
I joined the mile high club last night. I ran a mile while high on coke. It was glorious
I'm sorry I called your mother a reasonably-priced receptacle.
Question: the touchscreen on my phone randomly quit working, do you think this could be a latent reaction from me peeing on my phone last weekend?
He told me that I should keep my socks on next time because he read somewhere that it'll help me orgasm...
Ha. Yeah that's all I found you with this morning. Butt ass naked w my robe across your lap and your arms thrown back in handcuff position.
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