just tell him he has love handles, he'll die of insecurity
I want my own midget army. I think I would be a good midget army leader.
Professor used "ROFL" while grading my paper... Do I even go to a real college?
I wanna fuck padma even more now that she's preggers. Is that sick?
Yes but- 100% agreed
brittany murphy hurts far more than michael jackson, patrick swayze, etc because i never masturbated to any of those other people
Became best friends with the hotdog stand creeper outside the bar. Cried and told him my feet hurt too much to walk home then begged him to hire me.
the remote is under the fat chick passed out on the couch. Good luck .. and may god have mercy on your soul.
well you're talking about the girl who after 4 years, several relationships and several fuck buddies, has yet to have sex in an actual bed
My new dealer is 16. I have been getting high longer than he has been alive.
I don't see the problem
The best was when you were crying, and trying to get the bouncer to "understand you AS A HUMAN BEING"
I think I used my NERF gun during sexual roleplay. Need to re-evaluate my life choices.
million dollar idea: razor dispensers in bar bathrooms. your welcome, girls who didn't think they were getting laid tonight.
Idk if my headache is from the alcohol, the pot brownies, or being dragged down 8 flights of stairs by my ankles because i passed out in the 12th floor girls bathroom by you. Probably a combo of all three.
Once someone takes a shit in your toilet they are no longer a guest.
I was too hungover to sit up and pull the curtains closed so I did it with my toes
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