I JUST GOT MY PERIOD AND MY VISA FOR LONDON GOT APPROVED! BEST DAY EVER!
you kept screaming that dicks were growing out of your back and then you started crying cause they were so far from your vag
could you get any more awkward?
you have to give me like a days notice for these kinds of things, you cant just call at 9 am and expect me to be sober
I was under the impression that I sent actual words. turns out it was a series of letters and question marks on a side note we still had sex
Omg just remembered. I tried to kidnap a dog.
Ok, it is technically a gay bar but it's a total dive w/ strong drinks. The important thing is you can start drinking at 11:00 am without judgement
oh oh oh, and apparently you can bring in your own snacks. Some old dude just gave me cashews and cheetos.
it's like getting dryhumped by a chainsaw in the very best possible way
We were fucking while the tv was on, and one of those animal cruelty commercials came on. We then switched over and started doing it doggy style. It was then that I realized that I'm going to hell.
I couldn't finish the episode and had to lay down because the snapple commercial with the mustache was blowing my mind
By the way I got my period today. No NHL babies for me.
He pulled over in the Compass Bank parking lot so I could dry-heave, but I decided I couldn't vomit there because "I bank here."
You shouldn't play strip poker when you're having a wet fart kind of day.
GIIIIRL I AM STONED AF AND I HAVE A HOMEMADE POT PIE IN THE OVEN THIS PARTY IS LIT.
He made a group chat with him, his wife, & I. Is this really life!??
Once again I let my vagina make the decisions...that and vodka :(
Randomize
