He just left - my room smells like that cheese they put on nachos and cigarettes and beef
Yo quero taco bell
When I woke up his cat was sleeping on my face and i had scratch marks on my neck. not happy.
only room for one pussy in that bed.
For her birthday she wants to, " try something different with our butts a funnel and a bottle of whiskey"
Just you wait I'll be crying and puking everywhere in no time
just peed in rthe mens room but seranaeded them with adelle the whole timee so they didnt mind
I'm obsessing over hocus pocus right now. What if I change my Grindr profile to "come little children, I'll take thee away to a land of enchantment"
when I woke up, he was drunk and singing "soft kitty" and petting my face
Every time you visit for the weekend I end up having to bleach my entire house after.
Pretty sure the guy I hooked up with Saturday gave me a buy one get one free coupon for chipotle. Who said nice guys don't exist?
ok I know you arent happy with the way we ended but paying someone to pass me an STD is TOTALLY FUCKED!!!
I was trying to remember why my knees hurt then I remembered I was twerking on the countertops.
would you like to venture to the magical clitoris forest?
Rumor has it that you want to bring me soup in exchange for a blow job.
Listen, if I miss the flight to Vegas because she's still rimming my ass, it will have been worth it.
He asked if we were going to take advantage of his drunken state. When we said no he tired to show us what we were missing out on. It was so sad it almost made him cute.
Randomize
