If I sit on the seam of my jeans just the right way when the bass hits, this might be my new favorite band.
DOES ANYONE KNOW THE NINJA TURTLES
I had a new years resolution not to be a whore anymore, but I think I'm gonna wait till 2011
ARE YOU ALIVE? usually when i say lets start drinking at inappropriate times you come right over. im worried
My cleaning lady broke my bubbler. It's awkward between us now.
Why?
Because she knows I do drugs and I know she's a clumsy bitch.
I just noticed that my shirt smells like coffee after eating out a Barista
She started to rub her ass on my shoulder and i instantly thought "i am going to get E. Coli"
We could all 3 jump out of a cake in just tophats. A true marble cake.
am i new drunk or am i still drunk
DOMA is dead. I'm definitely going to be the last of our friends to get married now.
Is it a bad thing that I've made out with everybody I work with?
And it's settled. 10 months is the appropriate amount of time before having the dick pic discussion.
STOP PUTTING BUTTER ON MY FUCKING CAT
And remember people can't hear you kick ass in space
I didn't want to shower, so I shaved my legs in the pool . That drunk .
Randomize
