I'm playing the Jersey Shore drinking game by myself at my mom's house. Things like this are not okay after college.
I am more sore today than I was after my car wreck. Take it as a compliment that you bang harder than a semi-truck.
From what I remember, he had one ball. But it was cute
let's just say I never want to get pulled over and have to explain to the cop why I'm wearing a false beard again.
No, we talked about it. They're cool with me living here as long as I sleep with them both.
You're a rent hooker.
why the fuck are my pubes caked with bread crumbs?
I just did a Kegel and my back popped. My vagina is a gift to penises everywhere.
This is love.
Which part? The alcoholic cupcakes or the lesbian st paddys day party?
Just walked into McDonald's and a bunch of fat girls gave me a look like I just entered their territory.
I feel like despite his sleaziness I could be friends with this man. he just sent me a picture of his dog's balls.
Welcome to the difference between being FWBs (remember how we used to see who could get more lap dances a night?) and being in a relationship. Fun, huh?
Vegas is great, yelled at a guy 4 lanes over if he wanted a bj. ended up having sex in a vacant lot. I think he was homeless.
I named my Roomba after my pot dealer. I have a problem, don't i?
i'm gonna friendzone myself so you dont have to
Three times. Three times I left home yesterday in search for sex, and three times I returned un-orgasmed.
Randomize
