I just pooped in his toilet and didn't flush...I desperately need to get him past the girls don't poop phase.
Prostitute standing on the corner thrusting at cars as they drive by. New marketing strategy?
no, i dont want the owner to like me bc i dedazzled my vagina
You lit the bowl with a rolled up paper towel that you ignited on the stove.
You know you have a great job when you need a DD home from work at 6pm.
either she was really happy we won flip cup, or she was too drunk to notice her boyfriend behind her.
I would like to add..this is the first november for two years that i haven't cheated on a bf...thank you..thank you
Thanks for making breakfast. I usually have cereal and coffee...but i think margaritas and turkey sandwiches could catch on.
I flashed some kids doing a church car wash. I feel like I really improved the quality of their lives.
Would you like season tickets to my vagina?
He said he wanted to start giving out "sex souvenirs". I got a poster with a penguin on it.
My tights ended up on the driveway folded neatly. Any ideas how that happened?
You like that 95% of the time I masterbate I think bout you?
Just wanna know what I can I do to earn the other 5%
i have a serious question for you... Why I am i not wearing any pants?
I’m going to bedazzle that dick
What does that even mean
No idea, but I guarantee he’ll get hard every time he remembers it
Randomize
