i found your underwear in my bra... i dont even remember how this happened.
shit. all i remember is the look on your moms face.
I'm like connect-the-dots of drunk. Whiskey, bourbon, vodka, rum, gin. The hidden picture is me faceplanting.
we gave some random guy a shot for shoveling our sidewalk.
i can't, i'm blowing bubbles in class and getting credit for it
We should have cut you off when you asked the can driver if you could ride in the trunk.
Idk yet. Trying to convince him to get a phoenix bird tattoo first
Going out so taking the 2nd 1/2 of beer w/ me ont'tube in a Pringles tube. I give money to people on the street that have more self respect.
Minus the pink eye. Do I look fuckable tonight?
I'm glad we're going to catch up. too bad it's over my vagina.
Woke up in time for my 8:15
Good for you I'm impressed
I realized 10 minutes in it was a class from last semester
You climbed on top of the bar, shotgunned a 25oz fosters and screamed, Steve Irwin was a God amongst men.
I got about 15 snapchats from you with your hand saying "you want cheese sticks" or something like that and one of some weird looking weed
There's a woman at the bar holding a baby with one arm and doing shots of GM with the other. The baby is crying. I have lost faith in humanity.
I would also like you to tell your human bio class that I successfully smoked out the flu. 103 degree when I woke up yesterday. 100degree after one bowl. 4 more bowls and 16 hours later all that's left is a cough
I mean seriously with your cock and my tits combined we could rule the world. Pinky and the brain style
Randomize
