I just woke up my dad to tell him that i made out with the drummer. He wasnt as excited as I was.
You were in my dream and you got the lyrics to lollipop tattooed on your chest. Don't get it, it wasnt that cool.
I just hotboxed my laundry basket.
I am watching the CFL at a Hooters in Texarakana. I made a poor life choice at some point that led me here.
Do you remember that time on the drunk bus when I kept thanking the bus driver for serving our country?
Yea, remember to blow out the fire from flaming shots. Unless you want burnt lips. Just saying, I'm an example of ignorance and intoxication.
He won't ever take me seriously if I keep getting drunk and hooking up with all his friends.
Idk wtf I would do on a date. I thought wed passed that stage at least for a while. Nowadays dates should consist of blackouts and shameful mistakes.
Another Sunday, another 100 chicken nuggets
I'm at the point in my life where I'm trying to get guys I've fucked to give a ride to guys I'm going to fuck.
there's a guy in the del taco parking lot doing pushups. let's be his friends
Well he has a golden retriever set as his background so there's no way he was filming us having sex
So do I get to ride the beginning of the November stache or what?
he fell asleep naked and all I'm doing is staring at his weird balls
Omg I should get on tinder just to get some edibles in town
Randomize
