I have had it with that bitchy sack of crazy. Iam done!
Then my mouth guard fell out of the hole, so that's how the dog poop got in my mouth.
Sorry for talking about super scientific shit so much last night, I know it bugs you sometimes when I don't shut up.
What? You sat on the couch for a solid 2 hours staring at your fingerprints and the only word that came out of your mouth was "how"
Do you remember using the heel of your shoe as a shish kabob stick? You offered me some chicken, but I declined.
Dude, they are shaking the RV, yell at them. It feels like i'm being rocked to sleep, I don't like it, I'm not a baby.
Question: would asking the hot guy from the grocery store to "beer me" his number be a poor decision?
I slept with him because his girlfriend should know better than to be with him given is reputation. It was like sex and a lesson all in one.
I just high fived you brother at the bar then immediately realized my hands smell like your vagina
I ended up at these random girls' house they are smoking weed out of a gun
This tiny cat is tiny breathing with her tiny lungs and im having a tiny freak out. Like those lungs have to be super tiny.
And by "schedule" I meant crumbled up liquor store receipt, that I wrote shit on.
LOOK AT MY ASS AND LEGS IN THIS SKIRT. I KNOW ALL THE BEST HIDING SPOTS IN THIS BUILDING. AND I OFFER TEQUILA.
i think ive been high everyday since ive met you
I'm waiting for you in a manthong right now.
Protip if he licks the back of your knee and you reflexively kick him your game of 'lick the lady' is over.
Randomize
