You yelled "sharpie war!" then jammed it in her ear
Just calculated that for my last final tomorrow I need 120% to improve my grade and 53% to keep it..buying 30 packs now, go get dressed
We left the window open. My vibrators funeral is at 2ish.....bring a side dish or some shit.
Haha its ok. When we got back you sat in the car and attempted to tell me in sign language you were blacked out lol
You said you were uncomfortable with your body and then you started making whale noises
I'm gonna write a song for the kids called "you're systematically killing your mother". In it I will explain that my recent hypertension and increase in smoking is due to them being dicks
Do they mail horrible human being awards or do I have to pick it up or what's the protocol on that shit
Bought pregnancy tests in bulk off amazon. Kinda feel insulted that it asked if I wanted to subscribe for regular shipments.
I'm totally going to bang the cable guy tonight. I'm so pumped
He and I tag each other in memes all day. You could say it's getting pretty serious.
His sister hates me so I took his virginity on her bed
I told him it was fine and then I keyed his car.
you drug him to get him horny then deny him sex. freaks.
My boss just offered me a vodka mixed drink at work I do not have a real job
He is farting the alphabet right now. In the goddamned restaurant. You don't get to recommend men anymore. Or restaurants for that matter.
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