I just hemmed my dress for halloween, never felt more like a man
So apparently when I was 2, I went around drinking everybody's beer at some wedding, then passed out in a corner....
This explains a lot.
Great. Woke up in Ts room wearing one sock, a glove and a beret with a sorrority chick CLEARLY out of my league. Jose Cuervo you ARE a friend of mine.
So if a 2 is a 10 on the road... do we consider college to be "on the road?" help. its urgent.
have to get expensive furniture. after that study abroad now at least six things at ikea are named after guys i slept with
I can't talk to her. I know entirely too much about her genitals to hold a conversation without mentioning them.
Bathroom attendant appreciated that hug I have him as a tip. Fucking BROKE these days.
It's stupid hot. I just want to be laying in a bathtub full of margaritas
it is shots o' clock and I am never late
You came running into my room at 4 in the morning yelling "SANCTUARY!" and flung yourself into bed.
Hmmm, sounds like a Jaeger night then. Did I at least get to be the little spoon?
I ran into cvs barefoot with my belt undone and shirt buttoned wrong and didn't even have to ask. The guy working pointed and said "they're back there."
That's how I look going for the pbr.
Good. Go forth, young stallion. Destroy the vaginal region with your tidy crotch.
He sent me a picture of his cock that seemed to indicate that we were still on good terms.
so i find a box of condoms inside my car with turn by turn directions to her bedroom... kinda freaked out cause she got my address and somehow inside my car
My hairdresser won’t do keratin treatments because of the toxins, but will put ecstasy up her butt at festivals...
Randomize
