If your 8 lb baby was ham it would serve 6-8 people
We tried having a conversation with our noses.
he drank a monster margarita at dinner. had to ask me if it was dollars or minutes that ended in 60.
He shit in the bushes next to the pool at the Venetian, after throwing up in the hallway. You really can do anything in Vegas.
Doctor took one look at my penis and said, 'you don't have herpes, you just masturbate too much'
i feel like everytime i say im going to quit drinking someone comes along with a better idea about drinking
If I die tonight. Just know that chicken I made fuckin ruled. Recipe: Chicken with a shitload oF spice
How many bratwuest were you able to fit in your mouth at one time? It's me, Hans.
We are not in the same countries and I heard about your hook up last night BEFORE you.
Is buying her a loofah for my house commitment like? I don't wanna give the wrong idea
Fell asleep naked on the recliner spooning with my organic chemistry book. The fact that I made it through four years of college is proof that the education system is fucked.
so i EARNED it!?! i EARNED dying alone with cats!!?
HOW THE FUCK CAN YOU NOT REMEMBER WHIPPING IT OUT AND PUTTING ON THE BAR?
By the way, you're banned for life.
We just had can't-look-you-in-the-eye sex and it was still surprisingly good
All I want is a wedding with a dress and a veil and where I can go and my cat can go.
Randomize