I think I'm going to be in trouble for sneaking out last night. My Dad saw me drive up this morning when he was leaving early for work.
What'd you say?
I told him I was sleep driving
he just booty called me in advance instead of waiting til 3 am when hes trashed. i think thats really considerate and gentlemanlike.
my fart just smelled so bad i acutally gagged
just because you are now my girlfriend does not mean you can text me nasty shit
i've met an abundance of virgins and guys who where flip flops, i thinks there's a correlation
i walked outside and you were driving up the stairs to her apartment
He offered to drive me out of state to meet up with my fuck buddy. Like best brother in law ever.
well... just scaled a wall and entered the bar through the balcony. just making some last minute memories nbd.
all i remember is him tryin to explain to the girls how to effectively hit the strip club with their bfs
hes actually pretty persuasive when he drinks
You'd think if the campus holds 28,000 undergrad I wouldn't run into three people I've hooked up with in one day
there is a hole burned clean through my text book on forestry law and I saw you walking around with a blowtorch last night. Hope you have $160 on ya...
If there was a tv show called "True Life: My 58 Year Old Dad Rolls Better J's Than Me" I'd be on it.
I have walked into stripper central, but I'm on the street at 1:00 in the afternoon
it's like that moment that you're driving and realize you're lost except instead of driving i'm just sitting here in my living room drunk, eating a plate of sausages, drinking red wine and just thinking "i'm going to be 28 this year. i know people who are married, with beautiful and well behaved children. where was the wrong turn?"
We helped him hit the bowl to the point that he didn't even have to move
That's MADAM THUNDERCUNT to you
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