ugh.. my birth control just came out of my nose. wtf?
I am tired of kissing girls with mustaches.
i took a field sobriety test yesterday. a crowd gathered, watched me pass it and applauded. then the cops arrested me because i took a bow and fell over.
He just said he wasn't going to drink on Saturday because he was drinking on Thursday and Friday...we need new friends.
Ok. In one sink is a hairdrier. Still plugged in. The other is filled with broken glass. What do I do?!
Nvm. Bloody hand trumps dead. Also, where is gauze.
There should be a blender full of rum, tea, and grape jelly in the freezer. She thought it was a good idea until she blew chunks.
She has no definite jawline and all of her photo's have Ke$ha quotes as captions followed by a "<3" Even by your standards that is embarrassing.
Well someone named our apartment "the eiffel tower" on facebook check-in so I think they know..
He was like a foghorn with a huge penis.
Its a good night to get drunk in my onesie.
You're only allowed to hookup with one freshman a semester. MAKE IT COUNT.
It is no longer St. Patrick's Day. I should NOT still have green boobs!
Got drunk with him at an Irish pub ended up losing him for twenty minutes when I finally find him his piss drunk singing Irish folk music with a group of Irish guys and a midget
He meets the coolest people when he's drunk
What the fuck dude? Now it's a "who is this?" convo going back and forth. Like... helllloooo you just sent me a picture of your penis! I'm entitled to ask who the fuck it is. I can't verify an identity by a body part.
All of a sudden he got that look on his face and ran to the dance floor and started fist pumping to Rihanna that kind of night
Randomize
