Fuck that. Livers are so overdramatic and attention hungry.
I'm drunk. And at a vegan cafe. You would hate it. Don't tell my hipster friend but I kinda hate it too.
i was trying to wake him up so i just kept touching his dick
We're gonna have the chick that teaches kindergarteners to fold origami roll the joints.
found a hand written recpiet for 'one doe fawn' on an open crate in my living room need help to find it
where the hell would u of bought a deer
I would like to apologize for my MANY attempts of trying to motor boat you.
FYI If I die in my sleep it is because I drank a bottle of coke from 1986. I needed a mixer
Also I think my taxi driver may have just died and we just happen to be on a 35 mph cruise control on 395...
And after we were done he said "Let's play a game! Who can find their clothes first"
I awoke this morning alone and naked in my bed I forecast my date later not going so well because I have three giant hickies on my neck there is a note next to my bed that looks a 3rd grader wrote it on my college acceptance letter
So right before she was about to give me head she tapped the tip and said "Is this thing on" I think I'm in love.
Things I have learnt this week: bubble mix is toxic. Extremely toxic.
He has no idea he's waking up in slut palace tomorrow morning
Will you remind me I changed my hotspot phone password to fuckyouprivilegedwhitedude
One of the guys just came in and goes "i walked all the way home with a pumpkin". Night just got better.
Randomize
