You just made me feel so damn special
Im gonna name my vag after egypt, "the valley of kings"
I learned to sign I want to be on you today
Score
Deaf chicks here I come
I just saw him at the bookstore and all I could think about was him licking your ass
He's doing the 1:45AM lap: he goes around the bar, finds the hottest crying girl 15 minutes before close, and brings her home. I would feel bad for the girls if it wasn't such incredible genius.
I looked at her and said "I now pronounce you pumpkin tits"
Homeless guy on the metro is drinking beer out of a coke bottle. Hello friend.
i was so worried that when his hands were down my pants he was going to find the weed i stole from him
The couch is in the bathroom. I don't understand how that is even possible. I couldnt even fit that shelf thingy through the door. Come help. I am about to pee my pants.
i accidentally sent all my draft messages..how do i do damage control for the multiple "fuck me now" type msgs sent at ten am?
First of all you're supposed to say "you're not fat". And second of all never ever deprive me of nachos.
Is it just me, or do you see your penis in that hand?
He was very considerate of my needs, he offered me pizza before and after.
I think one of my ovaries is committing suicide. But that is a topic for another day.
we have beer and we're watching the birds have sex in our yard.
Randomize
