I am officially superior to you. I said "Go Go Gadget Dick" before I fucked her. I dare you to beat that.
Just tried to tap morse code on the wall seperating our beds to tell you I was awake and ready to smoke
I just caught myself doing the gator chomp to my tv. I need to get laid.
her parents were awake and in the next room. i think i deserve a big fucking medal for that orgasm.
You watched "From Justin to Kelly" and sang along to more than half of the songs. I didn't know whether to laugh or to be insanely frightened that you knew almost all the lyrics.
You broke a window with your face. I don't think the landlord will be as impressed as we were.
note to self: an IV pole is no substitute for a stripper pole. Written it on my ankle cast.
there is a strobe light in my taxi. in what way is this safe.
I still love him regardless of his misguided forays into heterosexuality
There is a girl in my drunk limo who hasn't seen an uncircumcised penis. Hook me up with a picture.
We just took back to back grav bong hits and are playing battleship. She guessed Z - 12 so weve switched board games.
Drunk me really does appreciate that sober me made a list of movies to watch when drunk it saves so much time
He stood next to me peeing as I was puking behind a car in the parking lot, telling me how much he loved me. On the other hand, he loves me!
Too hungover to brush my teeth. took a swig of menthol schnapps instead. lazy or incredibly efficient?
Youre my hero
Yes. I had to slow down my handjob so he would last...-and I give shitty handjobs to begin with
Randomize