I dont like him- his parents were home and he hid me in his closet like anne frank
I just saw a hobo shake a payphone until it spat out a bunch of quarters. what a champ.
I just saw a man with a full beard and frosted tips
there is no god
I only knew it was midnight because i got happy new years texts while i puked outside
I sent him a pic of my tits.. All he said was, "oh your sun burn"
Maybe I should forgo underwear.
This is a family BBQ no?
let's just pour the lemonade mix into the soco. cut out the middle man.
I tried to lock you in the bathroom stall because you were too drunk. But you escaped from underneath, I gave up
I was trying to be quiet until started to feel like my cock was being dipped in a rainbow and then I stopped caring temporarily
Just got gas in my car for the first time while high. Went better than expected.
There are people taking shots out of a turtle shell.
If you've never yelled, "fuck you ray Lewis" in front of your 87 year old grandfather you haven't lived
I am stoned at Disneyland with my little brother. It's gonna be a good day.
I'm putting his belongings the garage sale so he can buy his own stuff back. # divorced life. Thanks for cheating on me you tone deaf dick biscuit that'll be $20. Haha.
I'm so sorry for trying to eat your puzzle last night...
Randomize
