She came home wasted 'not wantin to talk about it' so for revenge I woke her up with a dutch oven and she puked all over me and the bed. I can't win.
Dude I told you 22 year olds shouldn't get married
He was rambling about life and dignity and happiness. but all i kept thinking was PENIS. YOU HAVE A PENIS. I CAN SHOW YOU WHERE TO PUT THAT PENIS.
Dude she has starbursts in her sports bra. I feel like this is counter productive.
He says I tipped the waitress ten dollars because she "smelled like pigs in a blanket."
I'm okay with corrupting his young mind.
Ew! He's just a child!
AND I'M GONNA SHOW HIM HOW TO MAKE ONE.
I'm trying to have a "pick me up from my house so I can get completely annihilated night" any takers? Cmon people this is what friends are for
Hot Italian guy literally came into my logic class just to get my number to study with me and left. America.
My main goal for tomorrow night is to make it back into my own bed
Donating $10 to Sandy victims for every hurricane I drink tomorrow. Buying me alcohol just became a good cause.
Well she described you as a "Sex-Viking", which seemed to be only slightly related to the red beard. So things are looking good!
i'll talk to you in three hours when you've stopped foaming at the mouth and your eyes have rolled back into place
You know darned well I have a well-documented weakness for redheads, Subway and hand-drawn graphic novels.
He says the sweetest things but also that he wants to choke me when we fuck so it's kinda perfect.
Ur betting me $100 that I can't do ur sister?
He wanted to take me to breakfast in the morning. He told me he respects me after I said no. I told him to respect me at a distance.
Randomize
