never have phone sex with a hardcore republican during this health care crisis . just dont.
I'm sorry..where i come from learning how to exploit a wealthy middle aged man is a right of passage
Is it wierd that I kind of wish I could hang out with Melissa Joan Hart?
How far into the semester do we have to be before it's ok to get drunk in between classes again?
I pulled out and her Nuva ring was around my dick... It was like I won a carnival game for adults... I asked her where my big stuffed bear was
i keep forgetting that not all of my female friends are bisexual.
I've been practicing for you. Including stockpiling medical supplies for curing hangovers.
im sober
you just pulled your sweatpants out of your bag and thanked them for being alive
Did we almost burn down the bar last night? I guess flaming shots were a bad idea.
Thanks for the morning blowjob. Scientifically proven you can't have a bad day if it starts with a blowjob.
LinkedIn just suggested I might know the guy I caught my wife fucking.
I never forget a pussy, even blackout me gives me that memory.
my ass is still wet. this is highly unpleasant. give me 5 to get changed and I'm all yours. or you can yell things to me while I shower and burn clothes
HOW DID I LET MYSELF GET SUCKED IN HE HAS A PENIS FOR PETE'S SAKE.
Here's a tip: do NOT chant "MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS." during sex because the Packers won against the Giants.
Randomize
