i think you shook his penis after he was done peeing.
this girl im hooking up with thought my ring was a purity ring... apparently im taking it too slow
sweetheart all i remember is you throwing up and saying "i thought things would be better now that barack obama is president"
I've ID'd the nipple biter.
We are hot boxing the gondola
I hate everything.
Whatever. I just smoked another bowl so I don't care and wow I just noticed how fast my thumb moves when I text. I'm amazing.
Getting drunk and throwing things at people isnt the same with you not here. Remember when you dislocated my elbow and then popped it back in in one motion?
Thank you <3 he just looked at me, fist bumped me, and asked me what was on my titty....we may cut her off
That moment when you see yourself in a security camera feed and realize you forgot a bra. And pants.
So I'm just casually at the grocery store when I remember that there's still a clove of garlic in my vagina
They were out of soap so you started calling yourself a dirty bitch
I found half a candy bar in my bra today... Melted to my nipple. What a mess. It was still good though.
Had a dick customer and the words "eat my ass" slipped out. He proceeded to lick his lips and say present it. I think it's time I quit.
I had to break up with her. She was sending me study schedules and recipes for vegan lasagna. I’m just trying to survive man
They just canceled the season. It’s going to be harder to bang soccer moms this year
Randomize
