ejected that DVD during the department meeting.. it was our porn from last night. I have a new nick-name at work.
You dont ever try to use your dick as a power washer to get bits of poop of the toilet bowl?
Tiger Woods should have just walked in, gave everyone a high five, and left.
Confidence margaritas not a good idea. Just said foreskin in my presentation instead of foresight.
There was a stripper pole on the party bus. Was being past tense because some fat chick somehow tore it from the ceiling while grinding
I have yet found the courage to put pants on. No judgement thursday led to no shower friday and now no pants saturday. God i miss college.
Walking down the street at 11 pm dressed in bubble wrap. Why is the bar so fucking far away??
But first time having sex and he went down on me twice?! I'm gonna marry this guy
I'll make sure to include that in my bridesmaid toast
Who knew drunk me could climb a 17 story building for apple juice and sex
I JUST WATCHED PAULA DEEN PUT BUTTER IN HER BLOODY MARY. This is not a drill. Real life.
Is it bad that when someone says the phrase "helicopter dick" I immediately think of you?
If we all have the time, and the weather permits, and you have no plans, we should have another go at Operation Get Our Carless Friends Laid. All the lonely people will be out. We can take our lonely people out too.
We're listening to drake in the middle of the woods and smoking two joints at once...my life is complete.
you do realize the next step is naked mud wrestling, right?
Like every two minutes he would pull out and whipser "don't you do it, you bastard" while looking at his penis. His new name in my phone is 'penis whisperer'
Randomize
