Having a conversation over beer pong about a threesome I participated in...it's only Wednesday
Enough with studying for finals. Time to put that my little pony coloring book to use.
how the fuck did you end up in georgia? you were here at my party dry humping some chick 2 hours ago
so you mean to tell me that there is no way you can get me?
If i off myself, it'll be in a lobster costume in the hot tub with butter...
you started putting condoms on anything with a point, then you were yelling at the lamp for using your last condom...
Is it possible to get a DUI in a wheelchair that's not yours?
I LEAVE YOU TWO ALONE FOR 45 MINUTES AND ALL MY WHIPPED CREAM AND CONDOMS ARE GONE
I woke up at 6am to a knock and a naked guy at my window.
Im laying on the couch wishing someone was here to pour wine in my mouth. I need an alcohol IV
I ordered a VEGAN pizza, because it gets here the fastest, just so I could get a 2 litre of Coke. For my whiskey.
I don't know what's worse. The fact that my biological mother is an unwitting bigamist, or the fact that my half sister is trying to seduce my girlfriend.
IT'S LIKE LOOKING INTO GOD'S VAGINA!!!!
I'm bleeding and intoxicated as I'm walking to my final right now. Wish me luck
I think I just received the most dignified proposition of my life. From the father of the bride. Who'd have thought.
i could have got laid, but instead, i threw up in her hair. you can cross that off the bucket list.
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