She ordered a salad and a budweiser. I love her.
You know you had good weekend wheb we you hook up with three different girls and you don't feel no pain when u pee in the morning
Apparently Sundays are the worst days for your friends to get their head split open and need stitches...there's only 1 doctor on duty
keep an eye on me. i'm afraid that after a few more drinks i'll ask to borrow his wheelchair.
I took his sheets with my when I left seeing that I underestimated my period. Also grabbed a 6-pack out of the fridge because breakfast is the most important meal of the day & I don't do other peoples laundry for free.
Hundreds of bug bites..Dad jokingly says "looks like you passed out naked in the woods somewhere"
Just pee around me
Imma need a double jack on the rocks and a BJowsky from the hot bartender.
Yes I said BJOWSKY. Pronounced "buh jow skii".
Is it possible to sluttify a hobbit costume? Cause if so, this will be my biggest accomplishment.
He fucked me so hard my nail polish actually chipped. I'm keeping him.
If a treadmill opens up I'll run next to him and then fall off so he has to give me mouth to mouth
The moment when you and your BFF compare frequently used emojis and realize you have similar mental disorders and a really weak alibi.
He is getting no nudes from me. I don't even care if I'm losing his legal advice.
I love her so much I can forgive her for wearing crocs
All of a sudden he got that look on his face and ran to the dance floor and started fist pumping to Rihanna that kind of night
Randomize
