I think the best way to start out any day is to watch 80's music videos. It's like visual wheaties.
you just used "cock block" and "youth group" in the same sentence. somethings wrong with you.
normally i wouldnt have blown him but he was on dawsons creek.. i love dawsons creek.
The only word I understood in that whole setence was semen.
Hamster emergency. Can u come in here
Proudest moment of my life. Just watched a guy walk into the side of a car because I winked at him. Love these yoga pants and my hair. Fuck yes. His mouth was hanging open.
But in fairness, I would totally have a robo-penis as long as it had full sensation.
He's hot, you can get laid, and you may get free drugs. It's the trifecta of banging a drug dealer
i swear i was one second from getting his number and then the shrooms kicked in
It's not stalking if you do it on LinkedIn...
I'm by myself. some Midwest chick is hitting on me because I gave her a deviled egg. I need the distraction.
Maybe it’s too soon to casually tell the boss that I went to Tulsa for some dick last night
I now know he's been cheating for a while. I also know HER name, address, phone number, Facebook account, religion and zodiac sign. I feel like I'm earning my restraining order. Point is, never fuck over a librarian.
WTF ARE YOU DOING IT'S FUCKING VEGAN COFFEE IT'S MADE WITH NUT MILK YOU'RE NOT A FUCKING SQUIRREL.
Uess honpr I rememebrt hEzS cuter
You'll have to translate that into sober in the morning.
Randomize
