i'm in the guys across the halls apartment. i think 7 MIP guy wants me. he just got a medical marijuana card. might be worth it.
My jaw hurts. Such a slutty injury..
her last google searches are 'cheap african safari' and 'what does lion taste like'
Did we have sex last night or did we just wake up naked covered in oil?
Now all we have to do is pretend we haven't seen each other naked. Work tomorrow is going to be FUN.
I think ur a lot drunker then u think u are. That girl has the body of a cartoon character and not in a good way.
He's currently surrounded by roughly 23 girls he fucked and never called. He may not make it out of here. Bar of doom? Or of redemption?
Well I'm drunk and covered in baby oil so tonights not ideal
Today wasn't Sunday Funday, it was more like Sunday god is taking a shit on my life day
But seriously who drew a dick on a tortilla and nailed it to the door?
I did not get laid last night bc my condoms were too small. I'm allowed to be dreary
Was having the best sex dream I've had in a while and only woke up when I heard my grandma fall down the stairs.
With gravity the way it is and your butt clearly being the size of a bus you'd break your hip or something
new low: I blocked him from seeing my snapchat story in hopes he will text me because he'll be afraid I'm dead or something
the fact you finally accept your bi don't shock me but as your fuck buddy I expect you girls to go family style on me
Randomize
