Dear everyone that texted me last night wondering where i was. i ended up face down blacked up drunk before i made it to the party. My bad
My favorite part was when he stopped, looked up in the middle of performing oral sex and asked, "you did know it was Arbor Day, right?"
Ive created a fbook group called "threesome" and invited two girls. Im not going to say a word and just see what happens.
So apparently when I was 2, I went around drinking everybody's beer at some wedding, then passed out in a corner....
This explains a lot.
Dude I think I was making out with the cat last night
I don't have a cat..?
Well nonetheless. Whatever it was purred when I used tounge.
There are going to be so many Snookis this Halloween that I might just dress as the guy that hit her and punch them all in the face
since you saved your number in my phone as "the hot chick you met last Friday" I don't know who you are either
Drunk me Does not appreciate a drunk, naked you kicking me off the couch at 3am. You have a bed here, you dick
Eating a TV dinner and watching Goosebumps on Netflix, the sad, sad title of my autobiography.
I need a priest, doctor, and therapist after this weekend.
You came walking in the backyard at 10am, in cowboy boots, a new shirt, and had no money,....we lost you for 15 hours....i think you just need a camera crew, or an assistant. IMPRESSED!
I thought i didnt really feel whatever i snorted last night until i just realized i think i asked this dude to punch me fight club style
Blacked in cold and wet, with them areound me singing Aaaaall we are saaaaayiiiing is YOU PEED YOUR PANTS
I just paid my school fees like a real adult who doesn't get accidentally drunk on a Tuesday night
I think I got into an argument with my cat's former owner about what a BDSM relationship entails.
Just went to Meijer. Purchased furnace filters, fishing line, red lipstick and pregnancy test. And if my purchase alone wasn't classy enough, I took the pregnancy test in the Meijer bathroom because Im on my way to the bar and wanted to know if that was a good idea or not. Cheers to no babies!
Randomize
