i made the cop pinkie-promise not to arrest me if i failed the breathalizer.
I was found on the hood of someone elses car... Who would've thought there were 2 white nissans?
my brother is about to go smoke a joint outside... he's preparing his munchies on the counter beforehand. I admire his responsibility.
This is so stupid. Now I have to call the party planner and tell her that the break up party is off. They decided to get back together.
I'm questioning the dried chocolate syrup on my tits.
Oh, cold wet seat on the 48! Are you piss? Are you the sweaty ass leavings of an obese person? Are you the spilled King Cobra from the night before? I do not know! I dare not smell to find out... Pants ruined...
When you glanced over and and mouthed "I'll take the fat chick" I knew it was going to be an epic Sunday night.
so getting blacked out last night has made my lips so beautifully red for pictures today... and they say nothing good comes from alcohol
I threw up through my nose tonight. Happy cinco de mayo
I also just stashed a half dozen bobby pins in my bra.... So when you take it off later, consider yourself warned
He was 6'5 and wearing a kilt, how could I not fuck him
Last night was a sign that I need to stop sleeping with any girl that can quote the mighty ducks
Specially the ones that look like Goldberg
She asked what a chaser is. I died a little inside, please come back..
Everyone in Columbus is two degrees of separation from my vagina.
He’s got a big dick and a big ego. This could be fun
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