I woke up this morning next to some guy. I was horrified, he woke up and said, "the white tiger strikes again!"
What ever happened to making out with a few boob grabs here and there?
conclusion of the day: americans need to get on tredmills, people need to learn how to flush toliets and learn how to pee in then instead of on them, and waiters shouldnt tell their life stories to customers.
This is the first time I have ever hoped it's poison ivy on my cock
No. I think its because I really and truly know that he is a moron and his future prospects are zoo animals.
I am not even close to finishing violently masturbating over that video.
I'm just gonna pretend you didn't ask me that. I'll sweep that shattered moment of our friendship under the shame rug.
I'm a bit offended I got no nudies back but it's whatever
They're in the mail. Snapchats too fast. I want the suspense.
Can I trade you chipotle for a pregnancy test?
I think I died and satan has brought me back to life and I'm paying for my sins with this hangover
guess who got crunk and thought it would be a good idea to give herself a pixie cut?
THOUGHT
My mom has a bong in her bathroom, but no air freshener.
Besides, I'm booked tomorrow. I'm planning on drinking heavily and crying in the bath.
However many condoms you have, it isn't enough.
I've never met a penis that didn't think I was awesome.
Randomize
