Don't you send me to vm
I keep trying to sit and the chair keeps running away from me
jusi got death stares at taco bell because I asked if Denise was working.
you can add "aspirated seaman" to the list of things your sister has been admitted to the hospital for
Hey thanks again for rolling me that blunt necklace. It was amazing.
Also I'm 95 percent positive we ate food naked together
Can we promise no matter what that we have sex the night the Mayan calendar runs out?
i have a queen bed, a cherrywood bed frame, and gold sheets. how are you saying no to me right now?
sometimes it's just necessary to be your own gyno when you're too afraid to tell your mom about your real life
Her alarm in the morning was Best Day Ever from Spongebob. I'm have lots of conflicting feelings right now...
It's decided. Tomorrow I'm getting a Big Mac and a Dildo
My crotch smells like fire and I can't find my pants
I don't get promposals. When I asked my date I was so drunk I couldn't lift my head. Then I puked on my lawn after he said "ok whatever". That's romance
I'm sure as hell not getting hoodwinked into going back to rehab again
That confirms what we've all known all along. I'm a bad gay. I have no fashion sense.
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