Why do all fat girls have "that smell"?
I want to make Jon&Kate babies with him. Not in quantity, but in percentage asian.
Your brother just informed me that half a mouthful is a unit of measurement. I love talking to members of your family.
I woke up hungover and opened my laptop to find that i had googled alcoholism again
Apparently I kept telling people I was a pro tennis player again...
I'm sober in pajamas at a bar. Nothing is ok about that statement.
I've done nothing but whore my gay ex bf out for the past 48 hours. It's getting weird.
My fingers feel amazing. Their going like 100 MPH!!
HOLY SHIT. SHIT THAT IS HOLY. HOLY OF THE SHIT.
Technically my penis started a fight tonight
I'm pretty sure I'm the first person in the history of this college to rollerblade their walk of shame.
You played Frank Sinatra today after we had sex. You moved way up in my literal book of men. Congrats.
Like an undercooked grilled cheese that got cold again. But hairy.
And there goes my desire for sandwiches. Forever.
I need drugs. Hard drugs. Today. Not tomorrow. Today. Something relaxing.
im about to bake her parents a "thank you for making such beautiful babies, ive had sex with all 5 of them" cake
i just want to cuddle, make out and maybe have a boob grabbed but no. someone has to have mono.
Randomize
