I wish I was a guy so I could jack myself off anytime I wanted to
he just kept repeating that I have nice areolas
We drank a $4 handle of tequila until 5 am. Please think about that.
His mom always writes on my facebook right after we have sex. it's like she knows. with her scary mom psychic powers
I filled two of the glass ornaments in my mom's bathroom last night with vodka. That way no one sees me drinking on Christmas. Alcoholic or genius? All I know it makes bathroom trips frequent and enjoyable.
I posted my balls on ericas instagram. It got 17 likes.
Also, what is a socially acceptable way to introduce a crossbow in public?
Nothing like an alcohol-fueled, 6-hour-long hunt for weed--complete with occasional breaks for sex.
He said he would pay my bar tab if he couldn't answer my question. He lost to the age old question of our youth. Why did pogs go out of style.
I brought ur friend Scotty home... He started rubbing my crotch then fell down and passed out in front of the microwave
that is terrible, if I can't drink Gatorade when I'm hungover I don't wanna live in this world. that's like denying wild rams to run free in the wild and frolic
He wouldn't stop calling me so I sent him a text saying "I'm dead. Dead. Leave me alone." And he replied with "so can I see you then?"
On the upside, no one went to the hospital! Lex's friend was definitely on fire at one point last night though because he tried to juggle tiki torches. He was shirtless this morning and smelled like a BBQ.
When you wake up with a bow tie and mustache drawn on your penis, you know you had a good night.
Also my bed has glitter in it for reasons I do not recall
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