Having a random hookup so left but love u
kindergarten is hard when you're hung over.
for a minute I thought I needed to put on pants to go get a burrito, but then I remembered I'm in college
Saw the college gyno today. It has now been medically confirmed that I have a perfect vagina.
When the tupperware hit the highway it was like a vomit bomb
I'm sweating so much right now i look like Whitney Houston
no, forget the keg and come see this. prego pants here is dunking chicken nuggets into pudding and crying over a cat show on animal planet.
Dude it started out with let's find some food and ended up with me getting a needle in the face
I know this is random but to this day I regret not having sex with you on that atv on the top of that mountain underneath the American flag.
Turns out I sent a dick pic to my sister's ex. Grindr is the devil's eharmony.
Why can't I come over and snuggle you and make you lick my boots
Closed my eyes in the shower and got really dizzy. Not sure if neurological or result of 4 day vodka binge. Send help.
Guess who isn't pregnant with a random sex ocean baby?!?!
Regardless of how one feels after a break up, whiskey must be consumed.
So my ex just asked for my address to send me his wedding invitation... in Europe. Awesome.
That’s basically a green light to fuck his dad
Randomize
