yo i have your phone
... oh so you probably won't get this message
what kind of vibe do I give off that a guy i've never hung out with thinks its okay to send me a picture of his ball cleavage?
JoAnns office is warmer than mine. . .it must be because she has the gateway to hell under her desk.
I couldnt find her vag and just started laughing uncontrollably. She was not pleased. Neither was i.
I dont think that drinking by ourselves on a saturday night counts as being "fun alcoholics"
I'll tell these girls I'm like the pet adoption center...don't play with it if you're not taking it home.
Sweetie, don't go home with him. You can do so much better. Everyone else at the bar agrees.
I just used my glow stick from the dance to find my way in the bathroom to puke. Who wants me on their corporate team
I just used my AAA membership to fix a strippers flat tire in return for a lapdance...does that make me a bad person?
But it's ok cause then I turned my tequila blanket into a tequila comforter and I felt no pain
Watched an eagle swoop down and eat a rabbit on my walk back from your place, literally too high to handle this right now
That's true because who the fuck doesn't love Harry Potter and beer
Well statistically J has a 1 in 3 chance of hospitalization when downtown
And a 3 for 3 for disapeearing
Be there in 20. Want icecream?
sex. I want sex. I like where your heads at though.
Yeah I'm just gonna stay here and spread my horniness to the world.
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