at church Sunday morning I dropped an M&M down my dress and it landed in my bra. I fished it out and ate it. A lot of people saw me.
When you're about to leave, tell him "bye." At that point, he should say something. If he doesn't say anything, well, our drinks were free and he gets a free make out with yours truly.
She's like the pied piper of lesbians.
No need to call an exterminator, the ants overdosed on the leftover lines on the counter.
I'd like to bring you 40 virgins and treasure chests of gold to make you feel better
Druken naked yoga : jus another ploy to keep your husbands eye in check
Basically I don't wanna put on pants...but I'm stoked for drinking my face off tomorrow.
The international association of gay square dance clubs had a booth set up in the lobby of my hotel.
Our music was glorious. Maidens were deflowered to the sound of my voice.
i saw way too much penis for that to have been a funeral
I just remembered that the guy I slept with last night has "USDA PRIME" tattooed on his ass
Honestly, if you don't have a lawsuit pending against you by this time tomorrow, I'll be impressed.
A world without bacon flavored condoms is not one I want to live in.
If she didn't have scissors in her hand I would have motor boated the fuck out of her when she was done cutting my hair.
AND ONCE AGAIN THE HENNESSEY MAKES ME A SUPER SAIYAN
Oh for fuck's sake, is that why the couch is in the pool???
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