True but thats because hes a fetus.
i'm stoned. there's a jazz trio playing outside across the street...scared that mike myers will appear & start yelling 'woman...WHOA MAN. WHOOOA MAN.' i'm snapping my fingers.
You stood up and started yelling"Free blow jobs!" because you thought people would like you more.
I just caught Brandon licking the fake chocolate on a smores ornament
i'm high and 74% sure there's a monster in my closet
I don't think you seem to understand this concept. WHEN A GAY GUY HANDS YOU A DAIQUIRI, YOU DRINK IT.
Well I think it's fate. Considering march is my fave month because it's my birthday and st. Patrick's day. And his name is Patrick. I'm sleeping with him all through march. No question.
I am playing a little game I like to call "How Quickly Can I Infuse This Vodka Into My Bloodstream Without the Use of an IV"
He showed up at my door at 3 AM wearing a Santa hat with a tiara attached.
He said he wanted to "superfuck" me
Does he wear a cape??
Why can't people give useful wedding gifts...like sex swings or Nutella?
He called me twice and texted me at 3am. Guess absence makes the dick grow harder.
I need a beard to bite.
This whole quitting my bad habits all at once is really messing with my ability to function.
Seriously, you just banged the guy that wishes his dog happy birthday on fb. That's fucking adorable!
Randomize
