Once you see the odd facial expressions and noises a guy makes while he is furiously beating off on top of you, it kind of puts things into perspective.
Even my Mr Clean Magic Eraser can't make last night disappear.
There is only so much cookie dough and masturbating I can handle in one night.
Just because you put plan b in my Easter basket doesn't give you an excuse not to wear a condom.
My picture of a beer can in a McDonalds cup full of ice got more likes than my relationship with her. Is beer THAT much better than monogamy?
There is a large, jolly black gentleman in the parking lot of my appartment complex yelling about 5am jelly doughnuts. I want to be where he's at.
The plan was to get laid... Now the plan is to survive.
It's statistically impossible for there not to be at least one guy sexting you right now
Well, I dont really know how much penis you have at your disposal so I cant be sure
I've decided that buying my first unused mattress has been my first major step into real adulthood.
When Ben was deep throating pickles last night I actually reconsidered our relationship
I'm a little concerned about right now. You showed up at my house soaking wet, drunk with a bag of ham and 2 liter of Dr. Pepper, and you refused to tell me where you got the ham until I gave you some more liquor.
Everything isn’t always sunshine & rainbows. Sometimes there’s tequila.
For someone who claims to be straight, she knows a hell of a lot about bi erasure, and one Hayley Kiyoko song too many
My sister can't give you a handjob and us still be bros.
Randomize
