We played Rock, Paper, Scissors last night to see who was the least drunk to drive.
The Rock won.
NO YOU'RE NOT. I don't want to hear that SHIT. Jameson appreciation day part 1 is saturday and YOU WILL BE READY.
Apparently, his doctor was impressed with how well we took care of his leg. We're like the kings of naked triage.
I usually just read books and meditate to an aquatic soundtrack of sea walrus's mating. But ill choose coors light instead
Would you have sex with a guy wearing a Batman mask?
It's all hypothetical, I don't have a Batman mask... yet...
Dude I really need to stop drinking. I chugged a whole bottle of ketchup last night.
I'm about to sell my hamster for weed money I'll call you in a few
Before we rave about the healing powers of your penis, remember it nearly killed me as well.
Chose not to courtesy flush and the CEO huffed the result. I feel powerful.
If you were more comfortable around gay men, then you too could get wasted at the gay dance club and go home with hot girls.
i think my cat just said my name.
Remind me to tell you all about the topless girl on the street who attempted to taze me.
He ate me out while watching Fifty Shades of Grey---needless to say I'm locking this down
I was writing 'DISTRACTION' across my chest in Sharpie when my boob fell out. Right on camera.
I have no idea what happened last night but I sobered up whilst showering with a mop.
Randomize
