whats the name of the jew you used to have sex with that lives on evergreen?
be more specific...?
Alcohol only hurts me because he loves me.
I've spent 9 hours vomitting in the fetal position... how did i stay like this for 9 months?
I think thanksgiving was created so we could all be thankful that we're still alive after the night before.
normally i'm against accepting campers on facebook but this one saw me giving head to another counselor and didn't say shit about it to my boss so i feel like shes earned the right to look at my sloppy drunk pictures
my girlfriend just compared my daughters eyes to gollum from lord of the rings.
Even DaVinci knew it was gay to draw the penis big. Thanks art history
he obviously didn't care that i was sleeping and dreaming about ellen degeneres knitting me a christmas sweater.
Also I climbed atop a mailbox with a toilet paper hat and a wolverine claw made of glowsticks, screaming at passers-by that they were going to die. Control me
You stuck your entire fist into a full jar of peanut butter and starting assaulting people
High enough to ask the woman at best buy if she ever feels like she's swimming. and telling the man outside that he smells like happy juice.
Well, now that you have a gf, its gonna be awkward when I get drunk and make out with you..... Then later, pretend like I don't remember.
That was awkward , having sex with her while her husband watched via Skype. I'm a porn star or a target. Idk
How do I figure out the name of this sleeping naked guy in my bed?
You kept saying “keke” over and over so I slapped you then you proceeded to ask if I loved you. In case you’re wondering why you have a black eye - Lauren
Randomize
