it cannot be done, he is unbreakable.
What?
..he cannot be seduced..she had to have roofied him.
Details.
Full bush! Can't stay! Need ride! Come on bro!
If I had a nickel for every time somebody called me a bad person I would have enough money to check into rehab
i rewarded my self with tacobell for not throwing up on any one. MISTAKE
i took my goldfish out of his bowl last night and put him in my bed
the fact that you could barely do more than slur incoherent sentences didn't stop you from correcting her grammar
He's really hot. I think he's gonna be my reason to shave this winter.
theres a new barista at starbuck holy fuck she's hot
i want to face-plant into her vagina
im eating mac and cheese with a makeup brush. there is wayyyyy too much wrong with this night.
You should have thought about how you were going to treat me before having me take photos of your asshole.
He had an extremely smooth butt for a man with such rough hands.
The guys who program Autocorrect have never seen a vagina in person
So the other day we finished having sex and he literally said "what are we going to do about your vagina?" Like, I hadn't even dismounted him yet.
Thank you for dog sitting, there is $60 on my desk to be spent on DRUGS AND/OR GAS ONLY not that food stuff people crave.
Your Saturday night was spent at the opera, mine was spent exchanging naked pics with a hot middle aged man that is so ripped that he looks like he's photoshopped. This is why we're blood sisters. We balance each other out.
I hate you so hard.
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