you said you get the best orgasms off Pez dispensers. how do you think he felt????
I dont think that drinking by ourselves on a saturday night counts as being "fun alcoholics"
I swear he shrunk like 2 inches. Remind me that drunk sex needs to remain drunk sex.
Got a personal ride from safe ride. I was crying so hard. The driver said think of something happy and I said Disney. In which I sang him Aladdin. So I got home ok
Pregaming before going to drink with a girl from Russia. Please make sure I'm not dead in the morning.
My god this is going to ruin whatever Vegas left of our souls...
I'm back here naked if anyones wondering
Also his beard was very delicious looking. I wanted to touch it so bad, but I held back.
The guy at the rodeo just told me "if ya don't say none, ya don't get none". What the hell does that mean?
Im pretty sure you just got hit on by a gay cowboy.....
Besides you're a Tennessee fan and it'd be against my religion to have your penis inside me today.
I'm just checking to make sure you don't want to go to the farmers market... This is an assumption based on the fact that you were slapped with a sandwich last night and you remained unconscious.
He said we were over, wrote my name on the condom he left in my car last night and said he'd always keep it in case I came back. It was kind of romantic
Happy 4 year arrest-aversary! I promise no thanksgiving has been as eventful as that one haha..
maybe you should have closed the porn before you gave the professor your computer to hook up to the projector?
Just walked into the supermarket puking into a plastic bag while wearing my favorite Bob Ross shirt. I am a human disaster.
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