Can I crash on your couch? I just came home to find my wife giving two guys blowjobs.
Two?
Two.
Ikea night.
?
Insert tab A into swedish slot B
she is graduated, working for the school, and puking in the bathroom of a frat house. she wants brush her hair so she doesnt "look trashy". im in love.
those are the first brownies ive had since i was 13 that didnt have weed in them.
He passed out while I was riding him, and just when I was about to call it quits he opens his eyes and squeezes my boobs and goes Honk! Honk!
For some reason there are two like 10 year old black girls crumping at the bar. I feel like I'm in a missy elliot video.
I've only left my bed to pee and eat nutella out of the jar with my fingers
Yeah I'm a responsible adult man but I legally unbind myself from anything that occurred that evening and am in no way responsible for those actions.
It's totally ok to sleep with him. The only place I have feelings for him is in my vagina.
The man was doing everything in his power to get away from his wife, including go into the gay club.
She said I'm like warm bathroom-sink water. There's nothing necessarily wrong with me, but she doesn't exactly want to "drink me in"
its weird getting into a political debate with a pony dressed as an anime character online
I think I should've done my makeup before I took the acid. Because now I just feel silly looking at myself in the mirror
Grandma cant send me 4 lbs of gummi bears and expect me not to soak them in some sort of alcohol
Seriously though, I walked in and he was holding my cat in the air singing "the circle of life"...
Randomize
