her dad's the mattress king, she's genetically engineered to be good in bed
so apparently i worked out for over an hour last night. drinking is the only way i will ever get anything done
Have you ever tried running while drinking 151?
I saw someone get arrested while I was moving out...this has to be a good sign.
We knew it was a good time to leave when you spilt the salsa on the ground and were trying to put it back in the jar with your hands
He's basically me if I was an 8-yr-old boy. It's like looking into a pudgy terrifying mirror
whatever the appropriate amount of shots is to consider drunken acrobatics a good idea was a few less than I actually had
Now that we have successfully procreated, I need to know we are on the same page. Please tell me you are aware that there are whole seasons of our lives that our child can NEVER be made privy to.
We should probably write this down. That's a shit load of shit.
We HAVE another bedroom, it's not like I was gunna chain you into the closet. Often.
Just thinking about this summer makes me feel a slight tingle of an orgasm mixed with a twinge of regret as the cold ghostly feeling of multiple hangovers creep into my body.
Is there some sort of line being crossed when your shower activities start to involve jimmy johns?
It feels like I was drinking gasoline last night.
I spent most of my night in the men's room eating popcorn on the garbage can conversing with strangers pissing
Dude. Craziest ride ever. I was convinced that the bus was an airplane. There were clouds when I looked out the window. I got really upset every time the bus turned because airplanes shouldn't turn.
the bucket list is making me question my morals...and sexuality
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