i think at one point throughout the night i began eating birthday cake with a q-tip.
you stole their roomba and ran out the door so that you could 'set it free'.
we found you passed out on lawn and the roomba bouncing back and forth on the sidewalk.
This flask doesn't match my outfit. I hope the gays don't mind.
After your mom took her 12th and fatal tequila shot she proceeded to fall head first into the bonfire... Guess I don't have to fear getting old after all
Dude he fell into my wall and left an imprint then decided to have sex with the door open. Vents carry noise pretty well
It feels like I'm being stabbed in the uterus with a rake. That night was totally worth it though. Thanks.
you said you would race him to taco bell but you slipped in the parking lot and just laid there, crying
Just went to my first strip club and they had Fox News on. Conservative booty time.
Rule 1: If any of us dies on a trip, the other two have to 'Weekend at Bernies' the shit outta that corpse...
Sometimes in life you just have to realize the security deposit isn't worth it.
He called out my ex's name during sex.
Alex is a pretty common unisex name.
It was the same Alex. I asked.
sex on a bike is impossible
challenge accepted
I usually do that but weve been going unprotected with tribal fertility symbols painted above my door
I discovered moonshine and fell in love.
Let's make a rule now, to not smoke weed out of our trumpets. After tonight.
Randomize
