I'm eating oreos and watching porn. This is your fault.
he was sobbing,drinking his beer, all while confessing his love for her. awkward was an understatement...
Bruises. Everywhere. Table sex is dangerous
Marking my student's "don't do drugs" posters while simultaneously texting my dealer, is this what being a grown up is like?
You do realize how pathetic it is when the woman who does your bikini waxes has seen your vagina more than I have
Also I've decided that I'm buying the next friend of mine who is dumb enough to get married a live porcupine as a wedding present.
Please come home, i don't want to feel like basket garbage girl but I'm in your alleyway and not sure how to change that.
I've never seen a guy eye-fuck someone so hard in my entire life. I thought he would develop laser vision, bore holes into your body, and not even realize your innards would be spilling everywhere. That's how bad it was.
I haven't taken a solid shit in four weeks. Do you know what started four weeks ago? Alcohol and dining hall food. Fucking college.
I wish I could take a screenshot of how things literally look from my eyeballs right now
And Mike keeps telling Will that love at first sight is true and this is just a shit show. Help.
But I don't see you as the jesus riding a dinosaur with a machine gun type of guy
that guy was staring at your tits.
nah, more like they were staring at him, and his girlfriend, and her less than adequate bosom. they pitied the fool.
point taken, oh mistress of the bosoms.
It is NEVER not funny to me when I am sitting at a table and I've touched the dicks of every single person I'm sitting with.
wheres my face? and why is my pocket so big?
Randomize
