left comments onEVRY SINGLE1of my posts n status updates.Im done dating freshmen
She was holding a turtle doing a beer bong out of a flower watering can.
WHY ARE YOU POKING HOLES IN MY 3AM LOGIC?!
Overall win. We all know who got to sleep on the concrete outside of Denny's with you.
If he thinks that that is an acceptable way to ask me out he is out his goddamn ginger mindddddd.
Just killed a snake in my bed! And by killed I mean hit repeatedly with my fist. And by snake I mean a lump in the covers. And I pissed my pants.
Apparently while fucking a girl in the ass last night I cracked a molar, trying to find a dentist now.
FOUND MY PANTIES COMINY JOME
I don't need no damn man when I have the cock-a-nator 2000.
I FEEL LIKE HILARY MUST FEEL WHEN TRUMP MANSPLAINS AT HER
Had dinner with a married woman but didn't have sex with her. Tweeted at Mike Pence to apologize anyway.
Someone explain to me why I woke up to find a stolen shopping cart in my room...
When she's hammered the amount of alliteration that comes out of her mouth is amazing.
He listens to me complain and in return I send him naked pictures. It's a win win situation
He's my blizzard buddy. We're blowing lines and doing a 3D game of thrones puzzle
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