so i walked in, looked up the stairs and all i saw was smashed pumpkin, tube socks, and marinara sauce
who the fuck is that kid sitting with you...
I don't have any fucking idea. I woke up and he was there. I'm kinda creeped out.
yeah, you were trying to hump the doorman.
when did we get a doorman?
we were also in the wrong building...
That's a really weird place to spoon. Especially if there are more accessible places to spoon. Like a bathtub.
finally stumbled home. 4am. made it to the bathroom and threw up. the cat came in,s aw me, looked at the vom in disgust, and then threw up too. its nice to have such sympathetic pets.
I asked my mom if I was the drunkest one in the room. With 8 days till I go back to school, I couldn't care less about being shitfaced at a baptism
When I say drunk I mean that in the process of filming a fratstar cooking show they threw a keg into the street where the police came to clean it up. now all they can say is "THE KEG GOT ARRESTED."
He sent me a picture of his dick earlier so now we can all laugh at him tomorrow
How interesting! I'm adding this to my list of things to discuss with you between fucks.
You know you're baked when you feel your throat closing up from an allergic reaction to the pecans in the cookie you're eating but you keep eating the damn cookie.
I may or may not have just hot boxed a backhoe on the construction site of a police station that's being rebuilt..
I am serious when I say I think I broke a rib having sex with Kyle. It might be puncturing my lung. No lie. I might die today.
He was tripping his balls off and kept aggressively saying SIT ON MY FACE. 5 hours and countless orgasms later I've decided I must never let this man go.
Had to admit my broken elbow was caused by vodka, not hockey
There was a woman who drank mouth wash to get drunk during her supposed detox...this is def the internship for me!
Randomize
