I failed the drunk obstacle course of trying to find my bed... consolation prize... a sore ankle and "disappointed' parents.
so he came in my eye... should i throw out my contacts?
How do I tactfully ask if the neighbors downstairs can hear me beating it?
Definitely just said "no homo" to our gay waiter at Cheesecake Factory...our service has steadily declined since.
After throwing up, the toothpaste tasted so good. Thank you for not letting me eat it.
He only talks to me during the summer and it's probably because I let him fuck me in my pool last year.
I am making it a rule that only people I am comfortable around enough to not have to put a bra on are allowed for Sunday funday. I think that's a good rule for someone who started drinking alone at noon while everyone else here sipped their coffee.
Apparently we carried the stove upstairs. I Woke up with it in my room.
I still maintain we were not that drunk......
Dude, Dimensionally it doesn't even fit in that stairway! We might have to knock a wall out to get it back down!
My uber driver just told me I smell like fun...still drunk at 7 am
He's ready to settle down, whereas I'm like "More shots please"
Why do pants feel so unnatural once you enter your own house
Why were you doing tequila shots out of Boston Pizza dip containers?
You woke up in between the boxspring and the matress in a random dorm room.
I literally am filling up a victoria's secret bag with stuff that would give my parents a heart attack to hide in my roommates' room. This is being an adult when parents visit
I tried saying sorry but instead I puked down her shirt and tried to clean it up... Now I have a bruise on my forehead. good news, before she left she wrote her number on my stomach with sharpie
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