i keep walking around campus wondering if anyone is as stoned as i am
Thats cool. we found a cat INSIDE a coke machine.
Just pulled my keys, cell-phone and a pack of cigarettes out from between my cleavage. This one guy's face was priceless.
We had sex in the tent after his 6th beer and while we were at it we had conversations with the people outside the tent.
All my credit cards need to be pressure washed
It feels like one of my ribs evaporated.
He stopped mid-sex to read the subtitles on a Korean movie we had playing in the background.
If you asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be today, I can pretty much guarantee I wouldn't have replied with "buying hemorrhoid cream on Bourbon St at 7am"
I just got back to our room ....neither of us spent the night there but both our beds are occupied. send help.
I just passed a kid trying to leave on a lawn mower
You ran down the alley towards a stranger screaming "you took my beer".... Then proceeded to run into a garage, fall down, and scream about how your shirt makes you look fat.
I just woke up in my locked bathroom. It's 5 PM. What happened?
I threw a dessert topping at a baby tonight so drink up! If you stay sober tonight I will be very disappointed in you.
let’s be honest I’d fucking Irish step dance on your grave, asshole
i was too drunk before they even got here. i took all their phones instead of keys and hid them in the freezerr...im an awesome party host.
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