Taking a 35 year old indonesian home, only in vegas ;-)
So you're telling me it's impossible to have a "slight case" of chlamydia?
In hindsight, i should have predicted that a drink called the 'rocky mountain bear fucker' would not end in a pleasant experience
Apple Jack is not a good idea for breakfast. Whiskey can't replace milk.
i swear to god even though i took those meds before coming here i did not hallucinate zulema silently throwing up into a breakfast burrito
she's an english major so her sexts are something i look forward to
Jesus I should have learned from my first marriage not to get married again
I need to mount that unicorn and turn him into a full blown steed.
I just trimmed my bush to manageable levels. I'm gonna take a nap and then get in there and finish the job.
We can't shop at Hobby Lobby anymore. They don't like Plan B which basically runs through our veins.
I know I'm moving in six days but getting wine drunk and laying in bed just sounds so good right now
I'm glad we can *facepalm* it together over the married couple we fucked separately.
I tried to get the guy I like to “spit shake” on a sexual bet... why am I such a bro fml
I woke up under the stretchy sheet like the corners were still stuck under the bed. I had to wiggle the corners off in order to get up. I was trapped. how did that happen
Is there a number of dicks a girl can have in a weekend before it becomes unacceptable? Asking for a friend
Remember! It’sa long weekend and a holiday weekend and it’s America’s birthday! So don’t short change me!
I thought you were asking for a friend
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