You thought that the "chillable" logo on the box wine was referring to a city in italy.
Just hungoverly hit my funny bone with a hot straightener. Triple threat.
I hit her tiny dog with a horseshoe an hour ago. Her and her mom cried as it laid on the ground shaking. Im drunk.
that was after you ironed the burrito. didn't leave much cheese on the ironing board though
The great thing about skinny blondes is that they're all interchangeable.
Apparently suggesting that she was the kind of girl who might be expected to kill someone's pets hurt her feelings...
She interrupted us having sex in the tent by threatening to kill us if we "got cum on the lasanga."
We invited our waitress tonight to come too.... we told her she had lightning in her veins and in return she taught us a Texas Roadhouse dance so the logical next step was invite her to a kegger.
Yep. How's your hangover?
It's like I fucked its sister and it's getting back at me.
We're not on Beacon Street anymore so now your argument about not peeing on the sidewalk holds no water. Whereas my bladder has holded every water.
Walked back to my room from the bus last night and all I see is 3 of my friends on the porch chugging whiskey and then throwing up in unison
I told the guy that if he didn't put enough pepperoni to earn the name " pepperoni feast", that I was gonna sue him for all he had. Believe it or not, that's all I remember.
Some days, I wish I could get a hug from a furry muppet
That was the first time ive ever slept with a girl with a q in her name
Christ, I'm so hungover I pretty positive I sent Luna to school with salsa instead of jelly on her sandwich.
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