I just woke up surrounded in unopened snacks
I'm towing my little brother down the road on a sixty year old tractor, we're taking up the whole highway, and no one cares. I love South Dakota.
i just shoved 27 marshmallows in my mouth
well thats a nice change of pace from what you normally put in your mouth
Y'know, without the cops, it would've just been us daydrinking,
Taking jello shots out of a big bowl from a measuring spoon. holla atcha boy.
just because you are in college doesnt mean its okay to pregame easter mass.
his mom called while we were having sex and asked if we could finish in his brothers room because her ceiling fan was about to fall on her bed
We have zombies coming, and all you can think about is cock.
Just found a pic on my phone of you on squatting on the hood of a police car about to take a dump. Care to explain what happened last night?
The guy you hooked up with is asleep in the tub. I just pee'd and he said 'turn off the tap' before snoring again.
It was a perpetual wrestle for who got to be on bottom. Laziest hookup ever.
According to the red cross, I'm not suppose to do anything strenuous for the next 24 hours. That means you're on top.
True love: he brought me a margarita while was in the shower. He's a keeper.
Want to do me the honour of waxing my legs again before I go to Mexico? I feel like it's a tradition we shouldn't break.
Whoever decided to put a Denny's that close to the strip club is a genius.
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