Dude I think you forgot how to talk last night. We kept asking if you wanted a condom and you just smiled and made weird noises...
just cuze she's 16 doesn't mean it's illegal to add her on facebook
You hit on the cop telling him you were celebrating the anniversary of your 21st birthday and ur boob job... That's how he got ur #
ah tequila...
I should do something nice for her. Like sign her up for "What Not To Wear."
Just asked the bartender if I could use the register to see my grades.
Haha o man how much you've grown. From beer bonging wine and wearing cargo shorts to well, beer bonging beer and wearing cargo shorts
I feel like telling him your vigina was older than him was not a good pick up line.
Would it be weird if I congratulated the guy who almost broke up my marriage for working on the marriage equality bill? You know, thanks for fighting for the sanctity of marriage. Weird, right?
You're dick is like the main character. It needs its own picture.
How do I have sand in my vagina if we were an hour away from the beach?
I just need you to appreciate that this is the first time I've ever been cut off and it's at an airport bar in Philly before 1 o'clock in the afternoon.
I appreciate the fact that you sent me a snapchat of your dick soaking in a cup of water.
is caitlin alive?
ya she's alive she's watching a movie
ok remind her she drank toilet water then.
He was laying on a lawn chair, fell off onto his stomach and asked, "where'd the stars go?" That high.
It's not even noon yet and I just fucked my professor's son in the psych lab..it's gonna be a great day.
Randomize
