She looked like her face caught fire, and someone put it out with a screwdriver.
I just met his wife...she told me they have been having marriage problems and are spending his paychecks on marriage counseling...then she cried on my shoulder...NOW i feel like a bitch.
its hard to take this fight seriously when one dude is an oompa loompa, and the other is a "g spot"
if you lined all their dicks up next to eachother, it would be like at&t bars
Having a vagina does not stop me from believeing my balls are bigger than yours.
i had a tequila and emotion induced one night stand with a random stranger. senior year: infinity me: 0.
I had to break it to her that she was not in fact behind the bushes when she peed on the church last night
YOU BROUGHT HANDCUFFS TO THE WHITE ELEPHANT EXCHANGE AND DIDN'T TELL ME???
I woke up to his balls in my face, so naturally I limboed under him and headed to the bathroom. When I came out he was asleep on the floor.
I just made some sangria and taking a roadie on my stroller walk around the hood! Parenting at its finest
Mike's my new hero. There's a flagpole of hook-up's bras on his porch and a week's supply of beer in his fridge but he still has a great job.
I believe you can. But if you can have rum with breakfast then do that. Definitely do that.
Also epiphany: I gotta quit fucking with dudes that have never seen Harry Potter. They all turn out to be shitheads who probably eat honeydew.
I can't go to Fassler and not immediately think about you licking a guys wife's butthole in the family restroom
Turns out my GF and my FWB have a mutual friend. Yada yada yada, I need to crash on your couch
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