Did you see that girl I got with last night?
Girl? Oh...weird...to be honest Ive always thought you were gay..
Thanks for holding onto me so I didn't fall in my pee in that parking lot. You're the best boyfriend ever.
some dude is stoned out of his mind in my calc class. just shouted that the teacher was a genius cause he got rid of so many numbers
And I also succeeded in getting kicked out of a bar when I was drinking straight from the vodka bottle at our table.
And. I know i am a gay man cause when i saw the pic of his cock his feet were in it and i am like what the fuck?
My exam ends at 4pm so I plan to be passed out in the bar by 5pm. Want to join me?
I would reevaluate a bf who is happy with other guys doing me.
All he gave me was a sore vagina and film suggestions
Thanks so much for having me, I'm really sorry that I almost caused your dog to catch on fire and also for breaking your doorknob
I JUST SENT A TOILET SELFIE TO THE WRONG PERSON.
just so you know they found you begging for money at the L station. What the fuck did you drink last night?
I was totally going to fuck him and then his friend walked in brushing his teeth, whipped down his pants and started doing the windmill. Ultimate cock block
He's watching Always Sunny and eating refried beans straight from the can.
We were all having a bath, the three of us, then that drug dealer guy walked in and peed. Sitting down. Apparently he didn't want to offend us.
I attempted to walk home at 5:30 this morning cuz i was mad at him cuz he didn't want to cuddle and didn't have pizza. I got 3 houses down n fell over.
Randomize
