On my way home i need to take a massive dump and couldn't wait.
i can't believe i had my finger in that
I hate fucking guys that don't drink coffee. My morning hangover and shame will not be cured by your stupid tea.
in the 'for' section of the check i put "when we got drunk and broke things". again im sorry.
my mom just asked me what a queef is. she needs to stop watching south park
I don't want to eat him, he probably tastes terrible.
he said no sex till date three. i said the party was one, mcdonalds two and that i would take him with me to buy cigs for date three.
Shame tastes like burnetts and latex
well, obviously he didn't fuck me for my strong moral fiber.
Travis is back on this booty and burgers thing. If I'm his delivery service for food he better fuck me how I want.
I've been eating like all day, let me suffer my one 'Dear lord, I'm the size of a small whale. One that doesn't even need to find being killed by illegal whaling because I'm not even big enough to provide an decent blubber, but still big enough to be considered for a brief moment.' moment in peace.
Will you remind me I changed my hotspot phone password to fuckyouprivilegedwhitedude
So the 25yr old smokeshow I fucked last night said "Prepare to be disappointed" as he put the condom on. I was. 40 is bullshit.
My good Christian morals say no, but my complete disregard of anything related to religion says yes
I'm gonna go parent style on your ass... I don't ask much from you but if you could please just come get shitfaced with me I would really appreciate it
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