that's what penises do
they tell lies.
He's drunk and putting on a tie for the jimmy john's delivery guy
i DID try to find you last night. i asked where you were and you texted me the letter "e" and a picture of the dark.
I walked into my room to see them crying, watching hey arnold, and passing a franzia box back and forth...
I'm not proud of how I threatened that 8 year old during drunken laser tag
THC water in my coffee on the way to work. How's your Tuesday?
There two guys dressed as FEMA workers with jump-suits that say "Post-Disaster Breast Examination Division"
Well I checked the bush outside his apartment building this morning, and he wasn't there... So I knew he was home.
He called me piss drunk at 7:30pm while cooking bacon and said he was going to bed. I don't think he's taking it well.
I feel like my body was put in a dryer with rocks set on permanent press.
That guy was drunk and couldn't get it up so he just tried to scissor me.
Dude so last night I was eating out my gf and her kitten climbed onto my back and fell asleep. AND SHE DIDN'T NOTICE FOR LIKE 10 MINUTES
He told me he sees me like a sister then 10 mins later tried to make out with me.
I feel like we'd have a lot of fun being drunk at a dog show.
I will pay you in sex, beer and popcorn if you will come fold my clothes for me.
Add free use of your panini press and its a deal.
Deal.
Randomize
