i just stepped in cum. i hate you.
Thats what happens when you don't swallow.
Kinda felt bad though cuz she whimpered and shuttered a lot, i felt like i was kicking a puppy, only the puppy liked it and came a bunch
I just found pie in my hoodie pocket... This break needs to end.
Use motel 8. I'll give you my credit card #. i'll pay for it cuz i care about your vagina.
on the way home I asked you what exit we get off at and your answer was "just like the goldfish"
He broke hus nose arm jousting with the traffic cones... We need to make head shots illegal or get helmets or something
nothing like walking in the house at 3 am in my panties and a sheer shirt carrying a life sized cardboard dale earnhardt jr
I was more obsessed with the sweat stain on her back that was simultaneously shaped like a vagina and the virgin Mary.
I can't believe I left out the part about him peeing on the side of Route 2 at 3 a.m. while wearing a dress.
Winning pick four numbers were just 6969... if I were 18 I could've won 20,000 dollars.
I was THIS CLOSE. But drunk me wanted to play those washboard abs with a spoon, like an actual washboard. Apparently that hurts, so I just squished it out at home alone.
I'm getting a collar when he gets back in to town! That's like the bdsm equivalent of getting his class ring!
Welp, no use in crying over spilt milk. I can't unbang her.
I'm in the recliner and i have a bottle of wine wedged in my cleavage, drinking from a straw. Clever and classy or pathetic and sloppy?
Girl behind me in line at CVS was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan B soon she might be a mom and that if we couldn't tell she'd be a horrible mom
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