Ive either hit rock bottom or become my own hero.
I've come to notice a late period isn't as exciting when you have no reason to worry
I was trying to make tacos and friends but there was a major language barrier.
As shirtless as possible
if creating a fake 8 year old brother, who lives with me and has had mono for the past month, to explain why I have ignored my group project members is wrong, then I... well then I'm probably going to hell
Do you remember me making bird noises at the bartender with some guy at the bar last night?
What kind of costume was that supposed to be??
I'm an orgasm trader!
Yes she scared me. She had NIPPLE CLAMPS ATTACHED TO A STUN GUN.
I can get stoned and we can bake and then I can eat 70% of it and it will be awesome
some dude just accurately guessed my height and bra size.. that is cup AND inches around. creepy, yet impressive
Considering who their parents are, maybe you should use vodka for the baptism.
I'm recreating the you're a wizard harry video with a guy on snapchat whilst having snapchat sex with another... Adulting is fun
I AM SMARTER THAN EVERY FUCKBOY WHO HAS EVER SWIPED LEFT ON ME
Is it weird that the girl I'm fucking just wished me luck on my date tonight?
Planning a vacation around my dog. I have become one of those dog moms.
Randomize
