What are we going to do tonight?
What we try to do every night. Take over the world
i cleaned out my closet and found 7 beers from 2007. ive had 3 so far.
How long after st. Patrick's day is it ok to shit green before I should seek medicial attention?
He only talks to me during the summer and it's probably because I let him fuck me in my pool last year.
This honesty session brought to you by jagermeister inc.
We just ended up getting drunk and doing field sobriety tests on each for practice... No one remembers who passed.
i just found this napkin with your number on it in my jacket pocket. it reads amy, drawing of a wine bottle and a house
I want him to rain dance my fallopian tubes.
Remember the 3 things that are off limits? They're fair game if you get here in the next 5 minutes
I totally accidentally said "we don't go around hammering girls in the rear" in front of 132 5th graders today.
I was a battlefield of empty bottles and bodies. We though we won, but the booze had the last laugh.
I specialize in how to hang out and party with randoms after you've hooked up with them. Not in feelings.
Dude when the cops came you ran through the fence. Fucking THROUGH it. You're a master ditcher.
Bruh why you gotta judge
You're awake at 3:30 in the morning RSVPing to a musical, I'm well within my means
I can't be a daydrinker without you. It just doesn't work.
I love you too.
Randomize
