I think I just saw the silver monkey from legends of the hidden temple sitting out in someone's trash
GO. BACK. NOW.
the last thing i remember is you screaming lets hunt humans.
Where would I incorporate "your boyfriend fucked the shit out of me last night" before or after Merry Christmas bitch?
I've been timing it. He's been showering alone for 33 minutes. 4 minutes ago, he said "truth or dare." haven't heard anything since.
Could someone please explain the rug burn on the right side of my face and do I need a shot of penicillin?
Come part with me. By you sleep! No fun. Idek feelings Sorry for your life.
btw I told him that the only way he was gonna get to eat you out was if he smothered your vag with grits..
I should have made a run for it. Seriously who calls the cops on themselves and goes to jail. ...on a Monday.
Your life is one shit show away from being a lifetime movie.
Lets get drunk and then you just wraps me into a present because that sounds like fun after the past 3 glasses of wine I drank
i tried giving myself a bikini wax.1. i hate you 2. i think i'm dying
I mean I've seen her tits but I don't know what her voice sounds like
As your friend, I promise I will drink a full bottle of vodka and belly slide down the stairs with you if that test is positive
its so awesome dude, its like im a magical unicorn or something
A black cat walked my drunken ass home last night and made sure I made it back into the apartment safe. Sat with me for 30 minutes as I struggled to unlock the door. Guardian angel or drunken hallucinations?
Randomize
