my friend just told me "I dunno what u r doing but keep doing it cuz it makes u look fabulous"
LOL that's cool. Guess u r gonna have to keep doing me
why isn't there a fb relationship option that says 'still banging my ex'
did i by any chance text you anything about feathers last night?
you mean faeutihaers?
Things I woke up with this morning: half a mcmuffin, orange hair, one shoe and a friendly german man. Tequila was a brilliant idea.
That's why I don't chug things. Because when I was a freshman in college tequila came out my nose.
Last awkward moment of 2011: your ex gf grinding on me in front of her husband.
He put crushed up bacon in the joint and now we're listening to the Matilda soundtrack I have no idea what's going on
I don't know how we managed to stay up but we actually sat in front of her open refrigerator for god knows how long while she ate salami straight out of the package with her fingers and I laughed. It was a trainwreck.
I learned something last night. Strippers can be on house arrest?
Also, they sell weed-chocolate covered strawberries. For the romantic stoner.
That was one of the best texts I got today
I would of joined had I not blacked out last night and ran around naked breaking things till 4 am
He's not messing around tonight. 4 fist pumps.
I thought adderall would sober me up, but it did NOT.
I tried to flirt with him by saying "catholics are cool" and he handed me a cup of water so i called him jesus and thanked him for the wine
I'm really just disappointed in myself for having sex with a musical theater major
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