Drawing on your hand and calling it yenifer lopez doesn't count!
Nice meating you last night
Not a typo
turns out making maccaroni and cheese with whipped cream instead of butter is only good when your high
Youre on making sure I dont black out around fat chicks duty
I don't care how old I am, if it's your 21st birthday I'm going to make out with you.
I have a date tonight... Like a real date... Not the kind where you just go over to his house and have sex and then never speak again.
I just bought the ATT family protection plan so that I could block all of my old bar hookups from booty calling me...
Haha...we lost by one cup to a guy w shitty facial hair. What makes me most mad abt the loss is that I could grow a better beard on my vag.
Just fucked in a kitchen. I never want my penis that close to knives, stoves, or blenders ever again.
It would be like a dance party with a dick inside you. I think that's what Ke$ha wants for the world.
Yes she was blowing me but I couldnt see her face. The only light was from the sparklers she asked me to hold. I love 4th of July.
When a best friend shows up on a tricycle with a case a beer and goes "get on loser" you get on, because there is a magical adventure afoot
You puked on yourself, then demanded to take shower. In which you kept saying "its raining"
He asked me who my new boyfriend was and I showed him a picture of my sex toys.
Go have sex with him right now! Drunk sex is the best sex.
I know but these gold fish are so much better
Randomize
