I'll have you know...trying to masturbate while a song about jesus is stuck in your head is next to impossible
The sun is out and the snow is finally starting to melt here... Vodka bottles keep popping up everywhere. Guess it's the college version of burying nuts for the winter
LA Sucks. The only way i can get laid is if i tell people im at a law firm that represent film producers.
And when they figure it out, they act like IM shallow.
I just got my inseam measured in raffle tickets by a drag queen. Being fondled for charity is awesome.
I dont care about anyone or anything else I just want to make love to you on my air mattress
Seriously can I go through one convo where masturbating doesn't come up
Sup man, did you have a 3way this month if so it would be 3 for 3 for the house
On Friday, can we drink like its Civil Wars times and the doctor's coming to saw off our gangreen infected legs?
Definition of cool: he wants a back tattoo of three horses running through a "paisley explosion"
How did he even become this person? Like what drugs has he done??
Gays age differently than straights. 29 is like 45 in gay years. Next year I'll be in adult diapers and applying for medicaid.
Hey, it's Valentine's Day weekend and were single and off our periods. Let's live like queens.
I don't think I'm ever gonna need a boyfriend again. I have a body pillow, a vibrator, and I'm strong enough to open my own jars.
You've changed since you got that strap on
I'm a history major and he's the descendant of TWO presidents. Did you really think I wasn't going to sleep with him?
She made me watch three musicals and then told me she was too tired for me to stay over. I think I'm being punished but I have no clue what I did.
Randomize
