Let's put it this way, it's 9am and that box of wine looks like the cure
Seriously man, I'm worried that my dick's going to fall off someday if I keep this up...
Gave a homeless guy 3 bucks earlier. Just saw him at the bar. He bought one beer and left. Happy to see my 3 dollars was well spent
Either I got the clap, or I masturbated with soap while I was sleeping.
and on the second day it was tequilla tuesday. and the lord saw it was good.
She drove all the way from Austin to have sex with me. I think it's a safe assumption my dick will have an easy life in college.
Just realized ive been sitting through all of lab with a condom in my bra.
yay hump day
I like to balance the number of cups of coffee to bong rips in the morning before work.
Couple of things: my nipples are blue and knowing that at some point I'm going to have to poop is incredibly terrifying
I feel like I grabbed someones dick last night, & if I didn't I'll be disappointed in myself
Also I feel that I would be a hell of a sled dog operator.
Want to run by the liquor store later? Tequila Youn should really be in attendance at Party Mountain. No one else could be our spirit animal.
I just woke up in his bed.. in a cardboard castle, with a Justin Bieber poster on the ceiling staring down at me, cuddling with 4 empty PBR cans. I win.
Can't talk, I'm icing "sorry I barfed on your couch" onto a cookie cake
I would never blame a unicorn for anything.....how dare you
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