Do you remember getting into a Delorean last night?
I did a mental Irish jig when he pulled out the second condom.
a man that wears gold spandex underwear and party boys other people is a man after my own heart.
i wanted a birthday blowjob. not a birthday VD.
High enough to fry lime slices.....tasted like shit, by the way
Tried to bribe the bartender with wedding cake. Felt bad for not giving her a tip.
He passed out. Woke up long enough to declare himself "the sauce boss" and then bit me in the face.
I'm gonna make a mold of your dick so I can make popsicles
I would let Bear Grills repel down a waterfall using my dick if I could go to sleep right now.
well he somehow got his hand stuck in some bike spokes trying to reach for a blunt he dropped and that's NOT the reason he's in the hospital...?
After we finished having phone sex he proceeded to serenade me with Ave Maria. It was magical.
I just woke up and I don't really remember anything past 1pm. How much am I missing?
A good 10-11 hours. You got laid twice. Also, you out-ran a cop and played football with a lamp.
God does not give you boobs that amazing to not share them with your friends
I have betrayed my no carb ways & I can feel it.
Embrace it. Come over to the dark side. I'll feed you muffins while stroking your hair.
Just think how much she’ll hate me when she finds out I fucked her father
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