His fingers had 12 years of piano lessons behind them. my ex has been put to shame by a finger
My last google search was "mavis beacon techs tping" Thank god google auto corrects bc otherwise i wouldn't know that i drunk-type 13 words a minute.
it would be nice to just get drunk, not hook up with anyone, and not die this weekend
I had to step in when you tried to make it rain baking powder on my sister
Was I shouting at a fire engine last Friday?
I just compared drinking to love. How do these people not know I'm an alcoholic?
By the way, we're gonna have to get a new rug for the livingroom i kinda started ours on fire...
I swear to god, if you fuck the hot one you're paying me back for the shot I just bought her
Just casually ripping a bowl in the chicken coop, with the chickens. NBD
He kicked in the door just as I climbed on top of him...and stood there. I felt like I was in a porn. It was invigorating.
Tacos and sex are way better than any anti depressant pill ever was. I think I made a medical discovery here.
I woke up this morning to my panties draped around the neck of an empty bottle of bulleit. That is the perfect visual metaphor for my life at this juncture.
I love that we can live in a world where I can Google "Harry Potter lizard" and an illustration for my dream pops up
but like who hasn’t gotten fingered at the state fair?
I climbed to the top of a stripper pole and touched the ceiling. Accomplishment?
Randomize
