You are an awful beat friend I am goin to die in a car accident and then my corpse is going to be used by criminals ala weekend at bernies to rob a bank then my corpse will go to jail Thanks john Thanks for nuthin
I'm taking a dump and eating a fortune cookie and it said "Force it to be successful"
Whats contracted in vegas does not stay in vegas....
My aunt just said- "pizza is like sex. Even if it ain't good it ain't bad." Obviously she doesn't know us too well.
What? Cold floors are soothing when you have a hangover. How am I supposed to pass that up. Even if I'm at my parents house
She's doing shots in her underwear, a fur hat and mittens. I'm never coming home.
One date. That's all it took. I want to have his geunis babies in me. One date.
When the cop tells you to leave the pool, does that mean you have to put your bathing suit back on too?
I'm getting the lip of my vagina pierced & you expect ME to be the voice of reason?
We are planning a drunk snapchat treasure hunt for tomorrow, and the treasure is his penis, this is a game I'm not willing to loose.
I would reevaluate a bf who is happy with other guys doing me.
Can I put tequila in the fish bowl? I think he wants to party too
Are you alive? Cause this is my official "im actually alive" text.
The logic in me says "don't text him" .But the vagina in me says "text him".
My head is bruised from having sex in the backseat of an explorer last night.
Randomize
