She was wasted. Kept yelling "what if I'm pregnant" and trying to push me into the tree. First and last time I bring a girl to my family christmas party.
I woke up wearing just my underwear and a headlamp at a different house than I remember passing out at. I told you irish car bombs are not made with an entire guinness.
I bought canned wine on a clearance aisle at the liquor store... I feel like I'm living in an episode of It's Always Sunny.
i just bought plan b at the bus station. happy holidays and welcome to a new level of white trashiness.
He's still filling me in on the details. mid-table dance i asked to go water skiing?
You tried to initiate "Occupy McDonald's" when the cashier didn't give you enough ketchup.
We just leapfrogged all the way to the bar.
we're stoned watching those roller coaster simulators w our hands up screaming on our couch
Because once my penis is in motion, it stays in motion unless another force acts upon it.
I'm running on two hours of sleep, a shot of vodka, and half of a granola bar. I can't be held responsible for what I do.
His last name was woodcox? That just screams I've got a great penis
Lmfao. We asked what you wanted to eat and you said vagina. I don't care what kind. Fresh, barbecue, roasted on a camp fire. I just want it on my taste buds.
I just masturbated and watched youtube makeup videos, which was just an extension of masturbation.
If he doesn't give you the same feelings you get when the pizza guy arrives, he's probably not worth it.
dave might be using McDoubles to pay for dances
he has gotten at least 7 lap dances out back
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