Watching Fresh Prince at 9am with a beer in hand and he just said to Uncle Phil "Sometimes I worry that I'll never get my life together." I feel like that was a sign from above or something
you just kept bragging about how there was a "pretty large" chance that you had pooped on the same toilet as George Clooney
I'm ashamed of you 12 hours later and 200 miles away
They're watching TV in bed. The Golden Girls to be exact. Aaaand I just heard them singing along with the theme song. I love living with gays.
The best part of last night was the women's softball game on the TV at the strip club
You were crying and singing wanted dead or alive while trying to eat cold soup, I think that pathetic is an understatement
He wanted me to strip for him. I told him that we aren't at that serious of a fuck buddy relationship yet
I've been called an asshole for a lot of things in my life, but I never thought it would be because of potatoes
A gay guy went down on me in the club bathroom and then fixed my makeup for me
its gonna be a great night
I just found a To Do list on the table, written by me last night, that just says "1. Go downstairs. 2. Get Pickles. 3. Laptop"
So, I'm either with my future life partner or my future life taker. And his brother. lol. I'll let you know when I get home alive.
I'm 4,715,723% sure I don't give a fuck.
You were staring right at you dick at the urinals, then looked at all the other guys dicks and fist pumped saying "I win!"
At about 2:30 i found you passed out in my closet with your face covered in cheese whiz
Honestly, this social distancing bullshit is giving me a good excuse for drinking alone.
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