fine then we can just have courtesy sex i definetly won't like it
this party is like a fast-foward into the future when im 40 and married with children
He took me by the hand and ordered me to make him vodka soup.. I think I like him?
He fell off the roof... he clearly has not been preparing for summer.
I knew it was a good Wednesday night when I woke up tucked in to NOT my own bed with my beer helmet, an empty bottle of Jose, and a trash can placed in front of my face.. Happy 20th!
There's a stoned dwarf chilling in the basement here. Maybe there are redeemable qualities about this place.
This is just what we do. We meet guys, go back to their place, smoke all their weed & go home to compete in out own version of Cupcake Wars.
I'm beginning to think the entirety of my appeal is due to the size of my ass.
I'M MAKING HIKING PLANS WITH THE GIRL WHO IS DATING MY EX, THAT IS PERSONAL FUCKING GROWTH
If the sex wasn't incredible why would I compare it to cheesy tots
I went to an adult Halloween party last night dressed as Mrs. Doubtfire, but I woke up on a stranger's couch surrounded by sleeping children in karate gi's. And I accidentally flushed my granny wig mid-puke, so if they wake up I'm gonna have to convince them that I'm just a weird older man and not a terrible cross dresser.
How did you come to this point in your life?
Good bartenders.
I'm drunk and kinda wanna go home but now I have to go have more sex, my boxers are in the dryer
i solemnly vow to never stick my penis into crazy again
I give it a week.
Went to waffle house after dropping my sister off at school and got into a heated argument with a drunk/hungover philosophy professor I will not name. I won the argument.
I watched my wife kick balloons while wearing thigh highs. It's not a sentence you get to use too often
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