Don't interrupt me, I have a limited time to be high and thus be remarkably good at Pac Man
Just saw a guy wearing pink jeans and i bet he's straight. Fuck 2009.
He's got serious oatmeal ass...take a moment and admire how google voice to text was able to detect oatmeal ass....twice
He kept calling my vagina a magic clam, and it was speaking to him, telling him to feed it his penis. I played along.
Just got motor boated by a horse in the street
This just spotted: a bagpiping Elmo on the street.
Are you complaining because you're getting too much sex to find the time to masturbate?
Well, when you say it like that it sounds silly.
My crowning drunk achievement from that night was donating $5 to the Obama campaign.
You're perfect
I'm covered in European cum. How's your day going?
Not sure if you're still doing the whole "sleeping with only one person" thing but if you're not we should sleep together when I get back in town tonight.
Just drug him and when he wakes up say "You just woke up from a coma, we've been married for 5 years." It'll be like The Vow but fucked up.
Happy cinco de mayo!! Puke filled sombrero in the lawn needs to be picked up and whos never punched my fence boards in half needs to replace those by the way the owner of those panties (see attached photo) anytime you wanna cum over;-) hiii!
Yes. That was the exact moment of my conscience clicking into instant high alert.
Blueberry probiotics greatly increase to the masturbation experience. Try it dude. It’s all the rage
Next time I say "i forgot to eat dinner, oh well" before drinking STRAP ME TO A CHAIR AND FORCE FEED ME BEFORE ALLOWING ME TO CONSUME BOOZE
Randomize
