this girl im hooking up with thought my ring was a purity ring... apparently im taking it too slow
I blacked out after the shots of canned lobster bisque.
I'm sitting at home, day drinking, while watching crossroads with brittany spears. I'm not the person you should be asking for advice right now.
I would rather burn my vagina off with a damn flame thrower before I would touch anything that has touched her skank ass.
you peed off the balcony at your sisters and asked someone below to catch it with a cup
I replaced his Viagra pills with sleeping pills.
That's like.....u just dangled a sex carrot in front of me then took it away!
Fuck romance. Just shaved my nipples in the shower because I felt like it. That's the life I'm about.
I'm watching Russian dudes pole-dance. For research.
AND HOLY SHIT FLUBBER IS ON NETFLIX
I wonder if my sister will drive me around while I do bong hits in the back seat..
Ps he swallowed my earring last night so yeah
I JUST FARTED SO LOUD AND HARD I IMMEDIATELY TASTED IT
How early is too early to start day drinking? Asking for a friend
About five minutes ago. You’re good now.
He broke through his window then signed his name on the biggest peice of glass from it. I think they framed it and named it 'best party ever'
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