i refuse to live in a world where loud threesomes in your own apartment are referred to as "rude"
did you yell "are you not entertained?"
this mix will be the most desperate cry for affection in the history of itunes.
I just used a coupon while buying plan B. The pregnant sales clerk nodded in approval.
Come find me please? Im in a ditch.
That doesn't help me much...
I'm right under the moon!
She thinks I come over for the sex, but I really come for the snacks.
but it was less of a make out and more of a goodnight kiss as a "thanks for giving our drunk asses a ride home and sorry we called your bar the worst bar in LA"
I'm starting to think I didn't bring enough liquor for this family Christmas.
It's 2 pm....
in other news, i feel like i just shat out all my sins.
I just got invited to party with a bunch of elderly lesbians I am in no position to offer life advice
So we just smoked a bowl, out of an antler, with this old dude, while standing at the bar. Dude just walked up and said we were in his spot, just began packing it and handing it around...
It will be too late. I will have fornicated with the enemy by then.
I tried sex in a car once. It was like trying to do yoga in a drainage pipe with your arms and legs tied while using a typewriter with your penis.
You're the only guy I know who could convince a lady at the pharmacy to trade you her pain pills for your antibiotics.
where the fuck are you? she just tazed two people and we're tripping shrooms...successful first night in new apartment!
Mom says you're allowed to come home if you replace the towels. I don't want to know why.
Randomize
