apparently the last bar didn't like my halloween costume with syringes filled with whiskey
Drinking Fireball means never having to say you're sorry. Unless its at you're arraignment.
Haha. Fifty shades ain't got shit on me. My tits look like they got in a fight.
THE PRUIS IN YOUR DRIVEWAY IS NOT YOURS
excuse me?
I accidentally borrowed your spare keys a while ago...i just tried them...that, my friend, is not your car.
my star wars tattoo got me laid last night. definitely a dark side sort of benefit im thinking
he came during what was supposed to be the foreplay blowjob. there goes my evening.
I don't know what his name was or what he looked like, but I remember him rocking me to sleep with his cock
He staggered in with his pants around his ankles and yelled that he lost his pants
I can only get day drunk because of my medicine now, so... There's that
fuck you I'm eating salad I can't be drunk.
WTF I can't even get a boyfriend here and you're getting nudes from across the country
Somehow reaching for the flaming hot cheetos ended up in the best sex of my life
Like Napoleon Dynamite?
Exactly like Napoleon Dynamite
But with bacon.
Thanks for fucking the skin off my dick
It was a joint effort between my vagina my feet and your hand you can't just blame that all on me
How many weight watcher activity points do you think sex is worth?
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