White wifebeaters are like orgies with fat people. Enjoyable in private, i'm sure, but in public: no thanksss.
John tries to set me up, and she has 1 arm. I'm a nice guy, but 2 arms is kinda a requirement
Is it weird being in the house without any roommates?
Nah, just masturbating louder
she kept her crown on the whole time i was giving her birthday sex
I'm fucking an ugly guy. Don't come home.
well now I have to
they just started filling water ballons with vodka.
on my way.
Meghan got a job at the bar. We're now morally obligated to drink. Is this what dreams are made of?
Apparently, my drunken 3AM idea of safety is to send a GPS map of my location to someone 700 miles away. Seriously considering death as a viable alternative to this hangover. Death or Yuengling.
I thought that wasn't a thing ever since she showed you her vag on the dance floor
I was on my way last night when some asshole yelled "make better life choices" out the window of his car. I felt so self conscious I went home.
Tell me I'm the only person you know who could punch someone at the bar, get escorted out, smoke a cig with the cop who almost arrested me AND get the security guy who escorted me out to buy me drinks.
You walked up to me, grabbed my face and said "I just peed in the sink!"
So the remote for the camera in the photo booth must have gotten dropped on the floor. while you were in there. having a threesome. on the floor of the room where my parents stay when they visit me. so thanks.
He's not put together enough to have that big of a dick
I don't remember anything beyond the drinking game but I woke up in my own pee this morning so I'm just gonna go out on a limb and say I overdid it.
Randomize
