Journey is playing on the radio....I think it is a sign I am going to pass my drug test
a slip n slide in 50degree weather was the 2nd dumbest thing i have ever done. the 1st was hitting the wooden fence i believed was supposed to "help us stop"
so high and i think i just ordered a magic bullet.
did you call within the first 18 minutes? can i have the free one?
we are playing family charades. my sister pointed at me. everyone guessed alcoholic.
Hickies on top of my hickies. I need a leash and/or a positive female role model
You'll have to pretend I'm texting you with buddychecks.
Like the Jimeny Cricket of cockblocks.
Just talked to Laura, confirming that is my bra. Hope it goes well with the rest of your wall decorations.
It's official. This guy and I are going gay for each other. We're tasting the fucking rainbow.
I was about to attempt a citizen's arrest on my RA
Also I want everyone to be drunk at my funeral. Instead of wearing black just blackout. That way everyone can celebrate how fun I was
At some point he mentioned fried rice and take out... I don't think we know how sexting works
My brother and I have had one conversation in the past like 3 weeks and it was about what it would be like as a sentient butt plug
Turns out he's actually a she. Might keep dating her just to see Mom's reaction.
Sean just lit a cig with his taser..... I am in awe
I could be writing so much lesbian porn right now but noooooo!
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