im gay
i know
yea but for you.
Writing a book: The Evolution of the Douche Bag: From Popped Collars to Ed Hardy Shirts. Doing research now.
Make sure you include chapters on white sunglasses, spray tans, and toxic amounts of hair gel.
Just jerked off to Cameron Diaz in "My Sister's Keeper". New low.
My brother just put in eyedrops to talk to my mom on the phone
He goes "hi, free today?" WHEN AM I EVER FREE ON A SATURDAY, I GOT HUNGOVER TO BE AND DRUNK TO GET.
I also have to vacuum the broken noodles out of my suitcase...
Use "feeling words"
Yay
Hi this is the guy from the cell phone store. Your Dad just upgraded your phone as a surprise. I didn't tell him about your topless pics on your phone. I transfered them to new phone. Nice rack!
Ryan Reynolds is on sesame street right now. Dressed as a letter A but still sexy as fuck. PBS is so considerate of the stay at home mom.
Aaand now my client contact has seen your boobs.
I don't know whether to be insulted or flattered that I am being propositioned to have a threesome only if I wear my cat onesie
I know you've been in hospital with meningitis, but last night I walked into a streetlight and bruised my penis so who's really suffering here
I'm drinking vodka out of a water bottle at work. Am I really the best person to come to for life advice?
someone found a bottle of whiskey in the bushes this morning when they were cleaning before an admissions event. i'm 95% sure it's mine..
Right after i got done cumming i sat back and gave a big Ric Flair "WOOOOOO!"
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